OCD is back and with new power. All I can say is my tuesday appointment with my therapist cant come quickly enough. The medical OCD is attacking me with new gusto. No matter what I'm doing, OCD is always somewhere in my mind, even if I'm doing my favorite things. It is taking me everything not to look up my supposed symptoms on online sights and self diagnose. Every impulse, action, reaction, feeling, and supposed imperfection is some kind of new, horrible disease that is surely fatal. This is compounded by a normal cold. My obsessions are centering around my brain, nerves, and eyes. My right eye twitches a bit and that may slightly impact vision. In my mind, it's caused by my MS, which I still am convinced I have. Any faint tingle is also this. I think if not MS, I have some kind of horrid brain cancer as well. I think my ocd spike is a result of the tumor doing something. Also, I was to the eye doctors a few weeks go but I suspect that that my right pupil is sometimes a tiny bit larger and and maybe a bit out of sync with my left on. I think this is a surefire sign of a brain tumor. I've spent more time than I care to admit looking in mirrors trying to gauge this sizes of my pupils, turning this into a compulsion. I miss my zoloft and I feel like crap. I've avoided consultiong any medical sources except what I've sadly hoarded away in my own mind. I can't deal with this and need help. Every week is a shade worse with my ocd. I fight and fight but it never recedes. Everything sets off one trigger or another and another obsession appears. If I don't get help soon, who knows what disease I might "come down with!"

1 Comment
  1. rainingoctober 9 years ago

    What makes you happy? Calm? Peaceful?

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