Today was my birthday. I got my tea leaves read, which was strangely accurate. The first thing she said was a doctors appointment, and I’m getting surgery next month. She said I have a problem with math, which is true. She told me I’m usually right, and that one hit me hours later.

The other day we were at mom’s boyfriend’s place. I’ve always gotten a bad vibe from him, he texts me too much, he expects too much of mom, he’s kind of racist…and yesterday just got weirder. He said he knew people looking for young teens to work for them, like at this little sushi place by our place. Then he said he needed to take pictures of us to send to the boss, because they don’t hire “uglies”. I was obviously offended by this, and I didn’t understand why mom and Rachel were acting like it was normal.

So I spoke up and said: “That’s kind of rude. I don’t want to work at a place that hires based on looks.”

My mom looked at me in warning, like she usually did when I spoke up about something her sexist boyfriend does. She tells me: “Oh grow up, Chantel. That’s just how the world works.”

I was confused. Why were they acting like what he said and did was normal “man” behaviour? And yeah, I might be overreacting because that’s what mom always says. But then I talk about it with other people, and they think it’s kind of off. I get a bad vibe from her boyfriend as a person in general, but mom likes to remind me that I’ve felt this way about all her boyfriends. Which is true, but for good reason; each and every one of those men didn’t treat her right, they were alcoholics, they were mean to me…but she thinks I just have a weird distrust of men and that I should fix it.

“It’s been three years.” She reminds me. They’ve been dating for three years, and in those three years there have been lots of fights even though we don’t see each other often. One year on Thanksgiving I put my spoon in the gravy bowl and licked it, he yelled and cursed at me for not being a “lady.” I started crying and he called me crazy, that I needed to be in a mental hospital. I ran to my room. Mom came in and yelled at me for embarrassing her, and how it’s “so simple to be kind and nice to him.”

Last year on my birthday he totally ruined it. We went on his shitty boat, and the whole time he was reminding me he was “doing this for me” and that I “better be thankful.” And he holds everything he gives me against me, although I don’t ask for any of it. Hell, I don’t even want stuff from him but he’ll throw a hissy fit at my mom if I don’t take it.

So the fact the lady said I was usually  right and I should trust my instincts hit a nerve. Am I right about him being a sleazeball or am I just being dramatic? When I write it all down like this, it’s pretty obvious that there’s something off but I don’t know if my mind embellishes these situations to make him look like a bad guy. It’s true, I don’t gravitate towards guys but that doesn’t mean I downright hate all of them like mom thinks.

It’s just a bad vibe. Today was a good day though, I can honestly say I had a good seventeenth birthday.