Summer days are the worst. My anxiety spikes. I think it’s the idea of being around so many happy smiley people. I’m alone and I guess I’m jealous.

Ive never had a best friend, that’s something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately. As kids you can make friends over absolutely nothing and for most people one of them sticks and becomes the best friend. Someone who will be there for you throughout your entire life. For me that never happened, no one stuck with me. I’m on my own. The friends I have come and go and no one is really in it for the long hall. I can go months without speaking with any of them. It’s not their fault, they’ve got their own lives, but I really wish some of them gave the tiniest thought to me. Lately some of them have been bailing out on me at the last minute and that crushes my very soul. All I want is people to do what they say they’ll do, that’s it. It feels like I’m asking for the earth. No bail outs, no excuses

The grass isn’t greener on the other side, it’s nothing but brown. I use to think I had the strength to keep going through the dark times, but I don’t. That candle has officially burnt out. I’m tired of trying and it sounds really selfish but I just want things to be about me for a while. I’m tired of pleasing others.

But then it dawns on me; Life’s never going to get any better. There’s not going to be a magic moment where everything is suddenly okay. They’ll be no Hollywood happy ending. Life sucks, life will always suck.

Nothing  will change, born alone, die alone. There’s nothing worth sticking round for

i think it’s time I went