What is this that I am feeling. It is as if I want to be dead but at the same time I’m not alive right now anyways. Its like a wave that has just overthrown my body. Nothing can stop it, but is it too that nothing and noone can fix it? Let it be known that I am a disconnected mind, body, and heart. My heart is saying no, my body is saying yes, and my mind is telling me a slew or various different thoughts and emotions. They hate you, you hate you, what is hate? “Let this go, it’ll be fine, you will get over it” my brain states but my heart intervenes. “Get help, who knows when you will loose control. Is it the depression? Has the anxiety taken over? When will it end, or when will is actually begin? They say that there are parallel universes, could it be so that I have parallel brains? What if this is my way of resurrecting out of myself and into who i am supposed to be or am I trying to be something or someone I’m not. Suicidal ideation. What is it truly? Maybe it’s just the thought of ending your life when it gets to hard as the stereotype plays out or maybe its the thought of fixing what is really broken. Nothing. My mind has gone blank. Maybe my mind is in an anomaly. That said, who really knows what normal is. Maybe it’s me, maybe it’s him, maybe it’s you. Normal might even be a term for the nonexistent. I truly don’t know, but at the same time does anyone? There isn’t really much else to say. I have so many words to say but my hands are numb. I can’t connects my thogouhts to my body anymore. I feel disconnected. Is this living, or am i just surviving? For what though? 

Sometimes I can really be fucked up. 

Who is “I”? 

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