This weekend has been more of a struggle than the proceeding days had been, but I am holding on.  I am not depressed.  I am actually quite manic.  I manage it well, I think, most of the time (like I’d know if I seemed nuts, haha).  I am very lucky to have the friends I’ve got, looking out for me.  Last night I was having a hard time, and Jordan was about to go.  It wasn’t easy, but I asked him to stay a little longer, and he did.  He was really cool about it, actually.  He hung around until the end of another DS9 episode (another 40 minutes, give or take), and then I told him I was cool.  Such a good friend…

Then, I talked to Ace, and he always helps me.  He’s an amazing person.

Charlie’s actually been pretty hard core about the cause, lately, which is awesome.  We’ve been getting along great.  But, we’ve always been able to do that – even at the worst of things, so, now that we’re getting straight, there’s actually something to enjoy.  It gives me no greater sense of anything.  I don’t know where we’re headed – I kind of doubt he knows what he wants, just yet.  We may not know what’s going on with us, but hey, we’re both all about kicking, and that’s a step in the right direction, right?

He’s been really warm toward me, lately, without actually getting any more physical.  I don’t know how I’d react to any change in things, right now (physically).  I honestly DON’T KNOW, anymore.  It’s all so confusing.  I don’t have to know.  I don’t have to know, right now.  It’s not what’s most important, at all.  Staying off smack is what matters.  I don’t have any kind of future, otherwise, so it won’t matter who the fuck I’m with or not with unless I stay the f@ck on task.

Hopefully, I’ll see Mags today.  So much to do that I’ve put off until now…  sh*t that has to be done.  In fact, I need to be doing something other than this right [email protected] now.

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