I have been fighting against depression on and off since I was twelve. At that young age I had a strong desire to self-injure and psychosomatic stomach pains and terrible migraine headaches. I was diagnosed with Depression and Social Anxiety Disorder and put on a low dose of Zoloft. The medication worked for awhile, but when I was fourteen I suffered an extreme drop in self-esteem and started cutting myself. I had to be hospitalized for two weeks and my dose of Zoloft was increased to a maximum of 100mg. This seemed to work and I was back in school and doing better soon.


High school was much easier for me, and I stopped taking medication during sophomore year, with no ill effect. I had a good two years where I was basically free of mental illness altogether, but when I was sixteen/seventeen my anxiety started to kick in big time and I came down with severe OCD. I was put on 50mg Prozac and .5mg Klonopin, which eased my symptoms, though it took a couple of months.


About five months after being diagnosed with OCD, though, I began to experience extreme hopelessness and misery again. I didn’t want to live anymore and had a narrow escape from a suicide attempt. After that I went into intensive outpatient therapy, which helped a lot, and my mood seemed to gradually lift.


I spent two more years being "normal" at college before the old enemy struck again. I became incredibly paranoid and had to drop out of classes. I couldn’t go anywhere in the city without having horrifying impulses to jump into traffic. I became partially housebound and that is where I am today. I will probably have to move back in with my mother and my college studies put on hold indefinitely.


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