Ah the taunting, withered seeds that are the remnants of the fruits of my labor.

I hate payday now. I always see my "Accumulated earnings’" and it makes me miserable. I’ve been working for four months, "made" about 1.5k. That’s no small amount of money for a 17 year old right?

Well my bank balance is 44 dollars.

My mother keeps leeching my money, and it makes me feel awful. I pour all of my funds into her debts and I see no improvement. I know, 1.5 out of 40k isn’t much. But she could pay the bills with that. But she got evicted anyways. She’s looking into a second job, but she just keeps taking. Money for gas, money for bills. What burns me the most is that she’ll complain about not having gas money over pouring herself a glass from a tall, brand new bottle of spiced rum. Go figure.

I feel like I’m being used, she never pays me back, she never even offers to. I know she’s my mother but I shouldn’t feel this way. I am tired of working and not reaping the benefits. I get paid tomorrow, and I dread it. I always end up putting my money into a bank account that SHE can access. After a while, it’s always gone.

So here I am, about to go back to school after an absolute failure of a summer. I spent so long saving to go to England for a week. Honest, I got a parent’s okay and everything. I was going to go on my first ever real vacation and then my mom had her surgery. That was one plan shot in the face. I kept my head up though, there must still be parties right? No. None. None I could go to that is, because I had to work so my mom could pay off her rent. That didn’t work either. Then I wanted nothing more than to go to Connecticon. Ha! What a laugh! Mom gets evicted that week.

Fate just loves to piss in my fruit loops. Fucking stupid. I gotta say I do have sucidal thoughts, I never go through with them and for the most part I do ignore them. But I’m so tired. I feel worn down at 17. How stupid, I hate myself for it, but I feel like I’m going to burn out anytime now, I just keep working and can’t get a break. It’ll get worse when school rolls around. I can only hope I can keep my head above water until next year. Wish me luck.


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