Current mood: hopeful

you know i spend a lot of time thinking about all the people who dont care about me and how much they dont like me and all the bad things they want to have happen to me….how they arent gonna miss me when i'm gone…this usually kicks in when im feeling depressed or sometimes its what causes the depression…..but when i get these feelings i hold onto them….i dont sweep them up in a pile and throw them where they belong…the trash….i hug them to me like my favorite teddy bear…relishing all those negative vibes and letting that pain soak into me like poison….but something good has come of that…ive come to understand that no matter who doesnt like me or doesnt respect me or wants bad things to happen to me…no one will ever be a bigger enemy to me or wish me more harm then i do alone….i am at war…this i know…but the one closest to me spilling the most blood is myself…so there are a couple of things im going to say right here…and no matter what else happens to me i want it known…this is set in stone…first off..i know now that i will never heal completely…i will always be scarred…that what is inside me will never disappear…but i also know when i say i fight the dragon..said it all my life…that it means i will keep swinging as long as i live…that i understand and accept the battle and i'm not afraid of it…i will never be ashamed of my feelings….that i will never look back and try to change the history of where i was at the moment…i owe myself the respect of knowing whatever i felt at that time was true to me…i will never be ashamed of who i love…whether past or present…i gave them the best part of me…..the biggest gift any person could give someone else…and once i give it it belongs to them…to do with what they say fit…and whatever they do or however they choose to treat it doesnt diminish me in the slightest…i guess what all this boring bullshit is leading up to is this….no one has ever hurt me more then i have hurt myself….so once again with that goofy smile on my face…i'm picking myself up and ready for another round…for any of you i hurt….if you truly know me you will know that was never my intention and you know i'd do anything to change it..sorry doesnt work…so take the handshake if you want and know i'm trying to rise above it…now get out of the way cause i'm still fightin my ass off…..

1 Comment
  1. Louisiana1976 13 years ago

    Keep on fighting!

    0 kudos

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