Hi everyone, I've been meaning to check out one of these forums/online support groups for individuals with OCD, but I never got around to it until now. Just a heads up, I want to go into a little detail about what bothers me/why I think it bothers me, so hopefully I don't offend/upset anyone (I think it will be good for me just to vent it all out, as irrational as some of it may seem). Anyways, alittle about me and my history with OCD: I was first diagnosed with OCD when I was 11 or 12 years old, but I remember doing various compulsions/rituals much earlier (of course, I didn't know it at the time). In the beginning, I was mostly distressed by violence/violent images and things of religious nature (particulary the devil). In order to negate these obsessions, I performed a certain number of overt actions (flicking the lightswitch, touching the doorknob, etc.) a set number of times (usually multiples of four). I never really did the compulsions while in school (in fact, I kept my OCD a secret from my friends for a very long time and do not share the information openly) but did them frequently while at home.The last few years, however, my OCD has changed somewhat. I no longer perform as much overt compulsions, but instead perform many cognitive compulsions (thinking of something to negate a "bad" or "distasteful" image in my head). Recently, those images have been of people I have either met/known in the past who have done something that "bothers" me. This thing can be somethingsexual, such as deviant behavior (by the way, I'm not bothered by sex in of itself; hearing about casual sex or lack of regard for the other partner is what acts as a trigger),drug-related (for whatever reason light drugs like pot or acid bother me more in terms of OCD than something like heroine or cocaine)or just association with another person that bothers me (like if they are friends or in a picture with them or something). To negate the images of these people, I think of another person in my head that looks somewhat similar, has the same colored hair/eyes, or, if I'm really pressed, just another person of the same gender. If I think of one of these people being intimate with someone in my family, I try and think of someone else and then replace thatperson with someone that is socially acceptable (i.e. my parent's spouse, etc. I know it's crazy/weird, but it's my system). Obviously this method doesn't really work, and I end up giving myself a headache as I go through cycles of thinking about these people throughout most of the day. Another issue for me is certain songs/jingles. Songs or jingles that are related to my triggers set me off, and I'm afraid that I won't be able to get the song/jingle out of my head. Thus, I think of another song or jingle to get rid of the "bad" one.I have been seeing a therapist specializing in CBT for the past couple of years and while I have gotten better in certain areas (violent images or religious images or no longer "triggers" for me), I feel that I have regressed in others. I have been attempting to do exposure work, but I've found it to be so incredibly stressful (I know it's supposed to be that way) and it's hard for me to stay motivated with it. However, I know it is the best thing for me, so slowly but surely I will try to make progress. I just wanted to put up a brief introduction of myself and see if anyone else has run into similar issues. I hope to post a little more about my OCD and go into a little more detail about what bothers me (like I said before, I think this will help me confront these "fears"). I will also try and provide some of my progress with my treatment. Hear from you all soon. Thanks.


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