My kids know I am a lesbian and they wont speak to me. They asked me right in front of the house when I was hanging out with my gays friends. I said no at the time because I was ashamed of what would happened. I tried to commit suicide in front of my rapist who just came after me and I lost speak again. I was scared of him for the long time because he hurt me so so long. I am on medication now but still have nightmares of him yelling at me. I had a lot of panic attacks throughout my life also and I have weightloss surgery also because he talked me into it. I use to throw up all the time also I take pills for it. Today my mother and my grandmother were fighting in the car and they could have gotten into an accident she needs to go into a home for the elderly but my mom wont let it happen yet she is not taking care of her properly she told me she does not care anymore. I think that’s not fair upon her behalf. Last time I tried to watch her she said she wanted to go to the office instead of living with my parents. I called my brother into to help me with her. My mother wanted me to watch her again but I told them I had to work and she would speak up and that was not right to do to me. My kids wont talk to me at all. I sent them packages for the past 2 years. I went into the hospital 2 Christmas ago again for suicide watch. my x called me again. My son was failing school but he got his grades up I kept texting him and trying to reach out to his counselor but he said he was not giving up his rights to me again. My grandmother like my crocs that have the Gay proud gibit on them. I celebrated for the month of june but my parents scolded me for having it. They wont accept me for who I am yet. My brother does though. My dad says I am wearing my battery clothes when I dress up. I wear a rainbow scarf sometimes and have earrings also. He has cancer also and is not well, but on a trial drug. He is just very thin now. I have a cat that I adopted 3 halloweens ago. Her name is Samantha I got her a pride collar also. I gave up collage because they talked about rape and I did not want to hear it again. I asked for an apology letter from the man who did me harm. My mother is looking for a lawyer for me. Since mine wont believe what happened. My husband was forceful in bed and forced drinks and drugs on me also and was very aggressive. I am not that way. I walk a lot of steps now with my fitbit watch also that I got to stay in shape. I am starting to watch comedies at night also and I read it helps me go to sleep also. My sister calls me everyday and texts me. I have arthritis in my knees from working my ass off. I take pain pills for it and soak in the hot bath also with CBD bath bombs that my dad got me for my birthday. This month is National Domestic Violence month also a lot of woman have been through what has happened to me. I donated my time through the Rainn Survivors to tell my story but they are all filled up now.