Uuuhhhhhhh, bare with me while I unburden my soul to anyone who might want to read about it.

First off, my diagnosis with OCD was admitedly a self diagnosis. I've never spoken to any doctors or specialists about it and for all I know I might just have some fanciful knock-off. Judging by what i've read, and the amount of pain it's caused me over the years however i doubt i'm wrong.

Specifically, my problem lies unrealistic assumptions, and foolish rituals that must be performed to ensure that they don't come true. Songs must be started at a certain point or I have to carress my coat and hat or else my parents or sister or friends or a girl i'm in love with will die somehow. I know it's stupid, I know that life is most likely governed by forces that exist outside of my head and that none of these pointless routines of mine serve any purpose whatsoever.

That's the major problem, all it takes is for one person to not be at home when I phone or for someone else to have been offline for a day or two, (or less), and suddenly i start worrying that they've died somehow, then I have to do stuff to make it 'not true'. Other times it happens at random, 'touch the table with the palm of your left hand or (Person) is dead'.

Another awkward feature is that when watching a film or tv show, or just walking in the street. I feel a need to make a mental note of any persons who are a couple. I'd really rather not say why if i'm honest.

I can ignore it sometimes, but it doesn't go away. It keeps showing itself, some days it doesn't bother me too much, other days it leaves me in tears.

And that, i'm sorry to say, is my cheerless introduction.