Alright. Lets do this.
Hi, I’m Ryleigh/Tobias. I know who names their child that. Well my parents just named me Ryleigh, well you see I’m genderfluid. But with the happiness of being whoever I want, I have to deal with dysphoria, auditory hallucinations, MDD, and minor anxiety. It sucks. I’m 12, I’m supposed to be a happy little kid that doesn’t care what people think. But I do. Whatever lets go to the start. Where all my problems started.
I was 9. My grandfather was just diagnosed with lung cancer. I socially isolated myself, no one would talk to me and I was fine with that, I didn’t like them anyways. They never understood me. Imagine how happy nine-year-old me was when something spoke up. I looked around the cafeteria in confusion. Everybody stayed in their own little groups having their own little conversations. Then the voice spoke again. It was grown up, and gender less. This time I reply “What do you want, and who are you?” the kids looked at me in confusion. I ignored them and I got a reply. But no ones mouths moves. “I am the voice in your head. Don’t worry everyone has a voice just like me.” I thought this made me normal. I thought I had finally made a friend.
One day the voice was screaming at me about how I didn’t deserve to live. So I started arguing with them. My classmates reacted. “Who are you talking to freak?” I looked up. “The voice in my head, why?” they look at me as though I just told them that I was gay (I didn’t know my sexuality back then and this was a christian school). The look of pure disgust on their perfect faces. “You have a voice. Huh, weirdo.” This time the teacher cared and came over and asked me what the voice said. I explained to them that my voice was kind of mean to me. It told me that I was fat, ugly, to self harm, to just kill myself.
Long story short I was sent to the counselor until I left that school. I still see the counselor but these people don’t force it out of me like it needs to be. But whatever I don’t care if you want more just ask. Bye.