Hello all! Just wanted an opinion or two and to tell ya about my problems and myself. I am a 28 yo male diagnosed with OCD/Hipochondria/agoraphobia/Panic Disorder. Always thiink and worst of all feel sick. That is primarily all the time until I got this fear of hell recently.

I constantly over analyze everything and everyone mostly. I feel when i leave the doctor i didnt tell them everything they needed to know. Constant horrible sexual thoughts i cant stop about Jesus or GOD. When I pray or think about GOD it i hear my voice in my head saying bad things almost like a second voice but still my own only uncontrollable. I try to apologize for the sin. I try to get salvation from GOD but i feel i was not sincere and am not saved or that GOD doesn't exist or I don't believe in GOD when i think i do. I feel like i don't love anything and that my emotions are gone, even toward my wife and mother. I obsess over hell and judgement and feel i am doomed no matter how much i seek i cant find salvation. When i do confess i feel that I lied. I analyze the bible even though i want to learn it and honor GOD I can't because something tells me I don't believe in either GOD, Jesus, or the WORD, and i find loopholes in the bible like passages that seem wrong and don't feel I believe. I feel hopeless and no matter how hard I try I can't find Faith and it is discouraging and enraging to see people who aquired it just by saying I believe and feeling it when i constantly doubt  Everyone keeps saying just believe! So in my mind I pray and I keep thinking no I dont believe and I keep saying yes I do. Over and Over. I ask my wife how it comes so easy for her and not me. I don't cry like I use to so i feel like I remorse. I doubt everything from GOD to do I love GOD am I saved, how do i know, am I sure. Did I repent right? I find no comfort in the questions and never any answers. I never know if i am sincere in my repentance or if I feel sorry for my sins. It is a masively horrible feeling. A huge contradiction I don't want to go to hell but the stress is enough to feel you wish you were dead. The Xanax helps occasionally to mellow me out but when it does work i care about nothing, but It working correctly is very rare I think. I even asked myself if I loved my wife earlier and I couldnt think of an answer. I know i dont not like her why do i not know if i love her. Its vicious. To boot I don't do well in cars. i havent had my problem before all of this. If i ride all my muscles lock up and everything seems as if it is thrown at me I am on edge and nauseated for no reason. that is my sob story just to tell you my experiences or some of them so far. Any comments would be nice and I look forward to some regular posting.

GOD BLESS,

Clay