Ok so on Facebook you can see whenever anyone gets in a relationship…dating, engaged, married, it sends you an update everytime someone changes their relationship status. I have 300+ friends on FB (used to have 600 but deleted a ton of people I wasn't talking to anymore) so as you can imagine, such changes are frequent.
For so many years, it hasn't really bothered me that I'm still single. But this year it really has, and I've started to wonder – what am I doing wrong? I am so tired of seeing all the 18 year old kids, the 21 year olds, etc., starting to date and then get engaged and then get married…just this year there have been like 5 engagements among my friends and I have already been to one wedding, should have another couple to go to this summer…I just don't understand. It would be SOOO much easier to not sit and feel sorry for myself if it weren't for the following things:
1 – Only been asked out 3x in my life, of which the guys were NOT dating material at all (One-turned out to be a jerk. Two- too needy. Three-creepy). Oh, I guess you could include the 4th guy who you might say I went out with, but HE only had "one thing" on his mind…and I praise God for protecting me from that (but just barely).
2 – I don't even have any guy friends right now, at least that live out here, the ones I have live in Georgia…and if I did, that would take my mind off of all of this substantially because somehow even just hanging out as friends takes my mind off the boyfriendless thing. But I don't.
3 – Once you get out of college, WHERE pray tell are you to meet someone anyhow? Church? Ok, I don't think I'm pretty enough to meet anyone at church. Maybe that's the problem, I'm insecure and it shows. But at the same time, I see all the guys at church only interested in one type of girl, the type of girl I'm not. The girl who'd make the perfect Trophy Wife; she's white, blonde, bubbly, and a size 0. Or in other words, PERFECT. Oh, and please don't go giving me that crap about how not all guys are shallow like that. I have yet to meet a Christian guy who's not, it's the non-Christian guys who are less shallow. You'll have to prove that I'm wrong. So am I supposed to never be loved or move to another country where guys appreciate other skin colors?
4 – That brings up my next point; does God even care about my single status? Or has He forgotten about me? I mean, I see Him sending KIDS people to marry and I'm still just sitting here. He's totally just passing me by on the list He's got in His hand of who goes with who. Pretty much all of the people I know who are my age or older are married and I am the last single person left!! But even that I could deal with if I at least had someone interested in taking me out…just once, that's all it'd take to know that God hasn't forgotten about me, He hasn't skipped over me and is never coming back to my name on the list. But there is no one and there has never been anyone!!! Maybe I sound overly pessimistic but why should I have hope when I have been dissappointed and passed over my entire life? Why should I have hope that that will ever change? Aren't I just setting myself up for a fall if I have hope? Yet at the same time, I guess I have some hope, since I'm venting about this…because obviously I must believe that some day it will be better.
Then people say "Well, maybe you're just not ready yet." I think I am one of the few girls I know who thinks about what they should be working on themselves and actually tries to work on it. The rest don't work on achieving perfection, yet they are the ones who get the guys. I don't get that. Besides that though, perfection is unattainable, and where does it say in the Bible that I should be perfect or I'm never going to get married?!!
GRRR…I'm just frustrated frustrated frustrated…I am trying so hard to trust God but right now I really feel like He's forgotten I exist…hello God, just incase you didn't realize it, Candace doesn't want to be single the rest of her life!!!