TessErin, , Depression, Career, Depression, Personality Disorder, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, Stress, 0
After somehow losing a completely finished blog entry—that would have been under this title—I will try again.
I know among other things Sophie’s disappearance was one of the topics I NEED to get out…or at least put the suppressed emotions into words. She wasn’t just a cat—no pet we have is. Sophie, like the majority of our pets, had a story with a sad beginning. She was the blessing I found on my dad’s lap back in 2010. My dad worked as the IT guy at a school at the time. I’m sure if I asked him what one of his best memories had been about that job, he’d say adopting Sophie and taking her home. When he worked at the school he was underpaid, overworked and not being challenged—his words. I wouldn’t be surprised if my dad saw Sophie as something beautiful from a time he wasn’t the happiest.
As things went among our animal population, Sophie managed to get along with all of them. Her relationship with Roscoe the pug and Gracie was one of friendship and affection. Sophie and Ellie—the hyper dalmador we acquired from my brother—had a friendship as long as Ellie could control her insane tendencies haha. As far as the cats go, Sophie grew up with Misa—the cat that swats at everyone except for my dad. Misa was with us a few months before Sophie came along. But from what I remember, it didn’t take long before they were sleeping in laundry baskets together (see my gallery for a reference). In the first couple of days after Sophie didn’t come home, I expected some of the pets to look for her around the house. I never expected Misa to literally wait on the porch for Sophie…Misa did that for a few days. When I’d let her out, it broke my heart to know what she was expecting. Lexie and Paint haven’t visibly shown any signs of sadness but knowing animals do indeed feel certain emotions, they probably feel the change.
4 weeks without “wisdom”
Wisdom is what the name Sophie means. In this case—when it comes to personality and a name’s meaning—wasn’t important or even given much thought, unlike Gracie. Gracie got her name after I watched her run and leap in the backyard a week after we brought her home. She is a very graceful leaper and runner. But back to Sophie…
We were discussing how it was probably time to take down the Missing signs. We have a deck the cats like to go out on and chase bugs. We got the idea to write the cats’ names on note cards and put them on the door when that cat went outside (the sneaky girls liked to hide under stuff out there). Sophie had one and I could tell by the handwriting that I’d written hers. I’m weird and sentimental when it comes to certain things (such as a recipe card written by my grandma or a birthday card my great-grandma had given me for a birthday—also with her handwriting). I was thinking it would have been there a bit longer or I could have been around when it was taken down. It’s hard for me when things like that are done—even when it has to be done.
When my grandma was living with us, she had a room on the same floor as my parents for several reasons. But when hospice came to get the bed…I felt such a need to watch even though it hurt. When her bedroom was rearranged into an office and her mini sitting room was turned back into the dining room, I felt as if I was disrespecting her in some way…like I was trying to forget her. The simple notecard with Sophie’s name makes me feel all of the same emotions…along with a sense of ridiculousness and self-disgust. It was a normal piece of paper for god’s sake!
I’m sick and tired of these headaches!! Whether they’re from the Lithium, stress due to one of about eight possible sources or something else, I haven’t a f***ing clue!!
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