I had a great run yesterday. I did the 5k and took 3rd place overall. About 100 people did it. I got a trophy. 5k=18:07, 3rd overall. Another thing I think quite a bit about is the Megan Meier case, the girl who was bullied by a fake myspace account, by the neighbors mother the girl later comminted suicide. I really feel like some of my ocd/bdd was created by the torment that I delt with in school. I gave a donation to the foundation and I have decided each trophy I win from now on I am going to put on ebay, and give it to the foundation. I have been in contact with the foundation.

This post might sound a little "form" because I posted about somewhere else.

But here goes with what I am struggling with.

II think I am too hard on myself. There is a guy at all the races, he is decent. But doesn‘t place very often. He has horrible sportsmenship. I remember one race when they were giving out trophies. he was booing people. He was kidding around, but its in bad taste.

He also complains about the courses, everytime probably because he doesn‘t place. You could hear this guy from a mile away.

He just irks me. And its not even like I am near him. He just lets himself known.

So I said to a friend who came to the race, the friend who came is a mentor type figure to me as well, and has coached me some I said to him, this guy is really cocky(the one I am talking about above). And I think I said it too loud, because I asked my my friend if he thought the other guy heard and my friend is pretty open, upfront, and honest with me about things in general. My friend said I do not know. But the way he said it, he truly made it sound like I did say it too loud. And I think I did.

Yesterday, I was obsessing about this this whole day. I am worried I might bump into this guy at another race, or he will say something mean to mean or may have already. . But there is a chance he did not here me. And I am not just saying this to say it(this is how my mind works), but I am debating if I should do any more races, because I do not want to bump into this guy, and maybe I should just do my normal runs at the gym on the track and outside, and forget about racing competitvely the other thing is he seems friendly with other people at the races, and maybe he will turn people against me(I think I am being a little too paranoid)

The other thing I am worried about is I think because I said something negative about him, and if he did hear me that he its a guarantee he insullted me. I think my OCD is playing games with me, because I keep thinking because I said something negative about him, he probably insulted my physical appearance(saying I am too thin), something I am very sensitive about, but I am in great shape. And probably right where I should be as a competitve runner.


Abut 150-155lb and about 5′’10. I was recently at the doctors office, and he told me that I am healthy. And I talked to a doctor I am friends with me, and he told me I am right where I should be in terms of weight.

I probably should let this go. But I am having a hard time. I mean I am human, and I did find the guy to be cocky. I didn’t kill anyone. Just said how I felt, maybe just too loud. Maybe I feel really guilty and I am punishing myself. At least this what my doc says. But I talked to my childhood therapist, and told her I am human and sometimes its human nature that people can be unkind at time, and she said, this is true, and what happened is not the end of the world.

Thanks for letting me vent/Share, but my thoughts overwhelming me right now.

The other problem I have been having lately is I scruntize everything I do. Like I go to a few different forums and I keep ruminating did I post this message at this board, or another one??. It really should not matter.

Justin