Up very early this morning. I slept very poorly last night, having nightmares again. My husband had to wake me because I was kicking in my sleep and muttering about something. I was no doubt trying to kick someone.

So sleep gave me little release last night. Part of it is stress and the rest is just the same issues that I've been dealing with for awhile now. But this is day two of no tears, so at least there's that. Right now that seems like a big accomplishment to me.

I don't know if I'll have Heidi today or not ~ I'm waiting to see if Michelle's going to work today. If so we'll go to the movies and see "Epic", if not just Zachary and I will go. Then I'm going to spend the rest of the day cleaning my car out and making it look good. This afternoon we're going to look at a car that I used to have (a Pontiac Vibe) and decide if I want to trade my car in for it. My Vibe was a great car, but 3 years ago a woman smashed us from behind at a stop light and totaled my car. It's got more mileage and it's 2 years older than my current car, but we NEVER had any problems with the Vibe. It got great gas mileage and I love having a hatchback that can still sit 5 people fairly comfortably.

After that I have to go my therapy appointment with Darcy. I hope this is not going to be one that I cry all the way through. I hope that phase of this is done already. I don't think I can take any more. My head will blow up. If I'm lucky thisappointment will have a calming effect on me instead.

One of the things bothering me greatly right now is that through all that has been happening the last week I wanted so badly to call myDad. I stopped and thought about it and realizedwhat a ridiculous idea thatwas. He is the absolute wrong person totry to find compassion from. So why do I still want to hear hisvoice and talk tohim anyhow? He's one of my depression triggers, and I don't need any more buttons pushed right now. So Darcy and I will have a conversation about it I'm sure.

Even the birds are still quiet this morning. I hear one lone cardinal in the distance calling, but that's it. No ducks around the pond, no cranes eating at the corn dish. It feels like there's no one else in this world awake but me. What alonely but freeing feeling.

The sun is starting to clear the cloud banking in the east, and the household is starting to slowly come to life.It looks like I will haveHeidi today. I just gota text from her mom saying that she went to work.So I'llhave to get Zachary up, too bad, I was going to let him sleep in.

I'm kind of hoping having the kids around willhelp me get my mind offof everything. They make me laugh and act silly and maybe that's justwhat the doctor ordered. I'm going to go pick Heidi up very shortlyand we're all going to run to the store to pickup some stuff I need to clean the car and some of my meds too. The movie will take my mind off of things too. Nothing like going to the movies with young kids who still get really excited about going!

I betterget myself in gear.I'm feeling stronger today, which I'm grateful for. And I'm thankful for all of my friends here at Dtribe for their support and kind words. It has helped tremendously to know I'm cared about and thought of during the hard times.May we all find some peace today!