I have lost count of how many different psychologists, therapists and counselors I have seen. I also have an appointment with my psychiatrist. I guess I'm going to have to be blunt with him and say my medications aren't working. I feel so…stuck. I don't have the guts to end my life, I am trying to find answers with religion and the hospital isn't an option either. I need something…hope I guess or a promise that it will get better (though I seriously doubt I'd believe anyone who said it will get better. No offense.)
My psychiatrist wants me to go back to the same school…I can see the pros and cons of that but the one con I focus on is the fact it is an hour away from home. I feel like if I were to find a school closer to home, it would be easier to keep a therapist (my psychiatrist isn't a problem).
I feel like if I don't get married or have kids, I will have nothing to live for…twisted I know. I should fight for my family but I just don't feel the love. I know it is there with some members but I still don't feel it. I told my aunt why I had quit school–through email. I couldn't bring myself to discuss it verbally–that was last night. She hasn't called or emailed me…I know she got the email because she got the message I left her about it.
Maybe I am not meant to live a long life (I wouldn't call my life full either but I doubt it will ever be). I hope this new person can help me. I wish I could say I was optimistic but it would be a lie.
I hear stories of people who have been "touched" by God…I would think He would want us who are depressed or suffering to know He was there or even cared. There is ONE passage in the Bible about depression (that is very comforting…not).
Oh well I guess I'll just kill time before I decide to sleep a few hours of my life away…my hope and positive outlook are long gone.
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Part 2..The day my life turned upside down, and my dream gone..
superwoman, , Depression, Addiction, Depression, Divorce, Domestic Abuse, Grief, Lesbian, Gay, LGBTQ, Medication, Psychosis, Questions, Relationships, Religion, Sleep Disorders, Suicide, Therapist, Therapy, Weight Loss, 0
I was told by my mom, brother, and step dad. I was going to Florida, and I was going...
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Intro
northwestern, , Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar, Child, Depression, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, 0
How does one write a story of depression? A story has a beginning and an end. In my life...
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Intro
Peoplelikegrapes, , Depression, Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Medication, Sleep Disorders, Therapy, 2
So, hi. Welcome to my first post. I figured, it's 3:22am, why not write a journal post. Don't worry,...
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My Best Friend is a Sociopath
TheAngryPrincess, , Depression, Anger, Anxiety, Career, Depression, Personality Disorder, Sleep Disorders, 0
A few years ago I met a great guy that I had a lot in common with. We hit...
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Introcuction
Rhyknow, , Depression, Depression, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, Therapy, 0
First of all, this isn't my main blog. My main blog is contained over at http://rhyknowsart.blogspot.com My blogs there...
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Bulimic, And Yet Not Quite
Proanamia, , Depression, Eating Disorder, Therapist, Weight Loss, 2
This week has been a bit of a struggle for me, especially with my self-image and confidence (both of...
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Frustrated and a little bit resentful
pinksparkles, , Depression, Depression, Stress, 0
i dont want to be a misery guts, and i do feel i am still on the right track,...
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Guess I am the trigger
OopsDoomed, , Depression, Career, Depression, Religion, Suicide, 1
I join this site and people start faking suicide with two others immediately promising to follow. While I don't...
I don't usually comment on posts here, but I was touched by your post and wanted to respond. I'm doing better now, but I remember being at exactly your spot, I would have never believed, or trusted, anyone who would say it could ever be better. But it can get better and I believe it will for you. Just keep believing and never, ever give up. Because you and your life.are important, to me, to someone out there that you're destined to meet and start a family with….but most importantly to you. Message me if you ever want to talk more. Stay safe.