i dont want to be a misery guts, and i do feel i am still on the right track, i’m just a little concerned i could be thrown off course again if im not incredibly firm and strong. its like as soon as i reach a certain level of getting better people around me pick up on it and subconsciously start to squash me again to keep me down. i am incredibly frustrated today at my family – which lets face it, is not huge atall! and i cant cut them off like i have all the others who liked me being a doormat and a sponge – two objects staff nurse said are perfect examples of what people saw when they looked at me. not entirely tactful lol but i totally get it. i dont know how to put my foot down anymore than by being outright rude. and i dont like being like that. its just not me. and its unneccassary – or at least it should be. dont get me wrong, i love them to bits and would not be here if i didnt have them – i just get so annoyed that i get to a certain point of getting better and it starts again like a cycle. i guess maybe this time i am different as have really made some big changes. im staying with my mum at the moment as still not sure its safe for me to be living on my own again but its a bit of struggle being here too – feel in abit of a conflict, guess its choosing the lesser of two evils. i just wish they could sometimes really think about what they say before they say it – its like i have to be at rock bottom for it to be acknowledged im not well and for them to think before piling on the stress if that makes sense? otherwise its back to ‘normal’ – michaela sort everything out – mode. maybe ive been like this so long they think it is normal. staff nurse said my mood doesnt sound like its been at a ‘normal’ level for ages – like since i was little :S. have GOT to make the changes work this time – i cant go round on this evil merry-go-round forever.


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