Hello. I'm 19 years old and I struggle with severe OCD. I have never blogged before but I was thinking it may be good for me to get some things off my chest while maybe getting some input from other OCDers.I hope this will help me and anyone else who reads….if anything just to know that you're most definitely not alone.

When I was 9 years old I begain doing certain rituals and normal everyday things became very hard for me, especially when it came to decision making. Every night I would cry to my parents because getting ready and in the bed was a long and frustrating process. Even things like fluffing my pillow just the right way were frustrating. Anyways, that's when it all showed up and my parents decided to take me tothe doctor and I was diagnosed with OCD. After seeing a therapist for a few years, the OCD was under control and didn't interfere with daily life. So I was weened off my meds and everything was fine.

My senior year of high school the OCDstarted taking over my life again. I began seeing my therapist again, but soon afterward I lost my insurance and couldn't go back.:-/After that, I began going to a different therapist.One that wasn't as expensive since I didn't have insurance. I was put on meds and it got somewhat better but….eh. I was still having problems and doing rituals.

This bringsme to today. I'm a junior in college and OCD rules my life most of the time. Thedoctor I go to is a couple of hours away and with school and workit is so hard to take a trip up there often. Along with that, the therapist I was seeing, that I had just become comfortable with, left. So I just started seeing a new one. I'm not sure if anyone else is like this but I HATE switching therapists. I feel like I'm starting from scratch and I have to get comfortable with someone all over again.

This past year has been a really bad one for my family and I, andbecause of this my OCD is controllingme. I cried just typing that. I just want to scream!!!! About a year ago my dad was diagnosed with cancer. He has been in and out of the hospital and stays sick most of the time. Seeing him like this causes me great pain everyday. Also, about a week ago my boyfriend of a year broke up with me because he doesn't love me anymore. So that has just added to the list… I just feel very overwhelmed at the moment. I also feel very alone because most of the people around me have no clue what I'm going through. OCD-wise, that is.