I am new here to this site.  I have been so down in the dumps.  I feel like I am going thru the motions of life….. Only doing what I truly have to do.  Last year I had a heart attack and it really put me into a "funk" which I have not yet come out of.  Really made me step back and think why do I do anything that I do…. what is life all about??? I feel paralyzed with fear that anything that I do will be the wrong thing. I have been stressing myself out which is not good for my heart.  I am 47 years old and I am afraid to do anything.  I have no confidence in anything that I do.  This is a bad place to be.  I have 2 children a 15 year old boy and 12 year old girl.  My daughter has been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD.  Also, my husband has a no schedule job – inwhich he is on call 24 hrs a day – 7 days a week.  This also makes life crazy.  He receives a phone call and has to be at work within 2 hrs of which he has a 1 hr drive.  I always thought that the schedule of his would get easier to life with as life went on.  However, it doesn't.  My job is stressing me out too.  I work for two sisters that are very spoiled and make life almost unbearable at work.  The only reason I stay there is the part time schedule would be hard to find anywhere else, the hourly rate is decent and it is located 5 minutes from my house.  However, I sometimes wonder if it is worth the extremely stressful atmosphere there.  My doctor doubled the medication I am on (Effexor) and it caused me to gain 25 lbs.  When I realized that –  I dropped myself back down to 1/2 the dose.  I am sure that is what made me sink lower into this bout of depression.  I have now started taking the increased dose again and am hoping that this bout of "doom and gloom" will lift.  In addition to being depressed – I am also very anxious and worried.  I do not like the financial position that my husband and I have gotten ourselves into.  His income has dropped significantly and it has really put a financial burden on us.  We let somethings go at the holidays so that we could continue to exchange, etc. the same way that we always have.  As a result we are robbing peter to pay paul now and are really strapped now.  living on a shoestring….  I feel like I cannot stop thinking about any of this and I am consumed with fear.  I am driving my husband crazy.  He is able to be more optimistic about things than I am.  I keep telling myself that things will get better and that there are other people who have things way worse than I do.   But none of this is calming my fears and anxiety.  I worry about everything, finances, children – my childrens social standing, what I say to people, what people think of me and my family,  I literally worry about anything and everything.  Well now that I have rambled on and on, does anyone have any ideas about how to make the worry stop……


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