Last night I had a dream, and it was a really…different dream. But the dream made me realize something, and I feel bad for thinking it and for feeling good about knowing that it's true.
As a whole, I'm the best he'll ever get.
I've had MANY exs that I've seen after we stopped seeing each other and 99% of them tell me that they regret not seeing what they had when they were with me. They tell me how even though I had more then my share of problems mentally wise, I was good to them. I cooked, cleaned, took care of them, I worked my butt off to make sure that I had enough money, their families loved me, I always wanted to get out and go places, and that I was pretty. And I think last night it really hit me.
Ya, he can probably get a prettier girl, or a girl with more money, but will they be as well rounded? Will the prettier girl clean and cook or take care of him, will she work? Will his family like ther? A girl with a lot of money, will she be pretty? Will she care for him? Will she laugh at his stupid jokes? Will she be faithful? Will she sit down and listen to him?
I realized that even though my boyfriend says that he has all of these perfect girls after him and that he chose me over all of them (and that a lot of times he regrets it), even though those girls are pretty and rich and supposedly have great personalities, they're on the internet, their in chat rooms. People are different over the internet. I know that when I used to go to chat rooms, I was very care free and happy, because that's where I went to escape the problems of my life. So ya, those girls may be pretty, rich and happy and crap, but in real life, are they really like that? What problems are they hiding? You know? He thinks that everyone on the chat rooms and internet are just who they say they are because he "is exactly the same in real life as in the internet". News flash, he's not.
But last night I realized that I'm the best he's ever going to get. I've been with him through good times and bad. I've been there to tend his wounds, help him through the bad and smile with him through the good. I love him weither he's rich or poor, fat or muscular, weither he's ready to go out and looks all sexy, or when he just wakes up in the morning and looks like a creature from the great lagoon.
His family even knows that I'm the best he's going to get, his family actually tells him regularly (even his aunts, uncles and cousins) that he has a good girl with him, don't f*ck it up. To the world I've basically proven that I'm the best choice for him, I've moved across the country to be with him, I'm with him when he's broke, I'm with him when he's depressed and sad, and even though I tell him when something is a bad idea, I'm with him when he does stupid things and doesn't listen to me, then gets hurt, then I'm there treating his wounds and taking care of him.
I feel really good. But I feel bad for thinking this way. Is it bad that I'm thinking this way now? I'm not telling him "Hey! I'm the best you're ever going to get. So treat me good!" I'm not telling him that, I'm just thinking it. I'm not going to step all over him, it's not really going to change things with us, just with me. I'm going to know now, that I have options. I could find better if he f*cks up and that he'll be the one regretting it, not me. I'll still live and thrive. Because you know what?…I have options lol