I am new to this so you will just have to bear with me. Today has been a real downer of a day and I dont really know why. I am on meds for depression but some times (like today) it just doesnt feel like they are doing any good. I know a lot of my mood has to do with my "situation". I am alone most of the time now because i do not have a job and have been unable to find one. It just sux because i know I have a lot to offer but it seems like nobody cares. Today I have not had a whole lot of interest in doing anything and what I have been doing I cant seem to really concentrate on. I have been doing things like getting excersize but that doesnt really seem to make any differance. I have been thinking about suicide pretty much all day I guess I really dont know what has been really keeping me from acting on it. I know that I have some people who would be really hurt if I did kill myself but I keep thinking "why should I have to live with all this pain just so I dont hurt others?" You know what i mean? Tomarrow will be just another dissapointment and nothing will ever change.
Well some things seem to have improved a little for me, still nothing on the job front but i have been mulling over a business plan to start my own company. I have a background in heating and cooling so I was thinking of starting a company to do preventitive maintenents on comercial equipment.but i just dont really feel like I could take on that kind of responsibility right now.
I suppose I should tell you a little more about me, I have recently been convicted of a felony and been put on probation and ordered into a treatment program. The program I am in has a big part in me being depressed, even though it is a group therepy I cannot get anyone to tell me when (or if) i will ever be finished with it. This has had a huge impact on what I do for them The therapist is an ass and wont commit to anything for anyone so it is not just me. Getting a job has become a joke because no body wants to hire a felon around where I live so I have been just barely hanging on both finacialy and emotionally. I have asked for help from my theripist but i have not been able to get any.