I'm struggling to fight the black dog off. I talked to Dan as usual, he's doing this for us. I'm angry and I don't want to live, but I must, why? Dan asked me if my friends had been by I said no, there's never anyone here unless I have something that's needed.
I had to go to the hospital by ambulance because there's no one here for me, for us, mom and I. I told him he better hope nothing happens to mom because she's the only reason I'm here and of course he's like you don't love me, blah, blah, blah, he's right I find him devoid of anything worth being in love with, he thinks its perfectly okay to sit here like this until he's on his feet, right now I'm sooooo bitter and full of hate for him. I no he could be doing something, he's been in NM for 2 weeks, rented a house, bought a bed , eats out, went to church today, got internet, etc., but here we sit with no food, no way to improve our situation all along he's getting on his feet. Whatever!!! Another person who I was there for during there despair as you all no he lost his job, but I stood by him, but he couldn't even leave me his truck or get me a car, he's a user and a loser.
I'm sick and oh so tired of being told how wonderful I am and how much I'm loved, its such a crock of shit, no one cares for me, no one helps me, or is here for me, I am alone, sitting here with nothing to live for. I'm done!
I took some pills so maybe I'll get lucky and not wake up.
I am defeated, spent, done. Thank god I hope I sleep, just want this day to end, everyday to end, no more waking up, struggling, being angry, hurt, just no more. Done.