The pain never ceases, It is like I am drowning in a sea of endless sorrow.
I have told myself time and again that no one is coming to save me from all the hurt and sadness that I have put myself into, no one but myself can save me; But despite all of these facts, it is like an impulse to me to look for someone for help, to wish and wait for somebody, for anybody to come and pick me up form the ground.
As foolish and pathetic as it may seem, it is like a compulsion for me to rely on someone else to save me from all of my misery. Which obviously will never happen. After all that I have experienced, I never thought that I would ever learn that at end of the day all I am going to have is myself. I am trying to get settled with that fact, although from time to time I still yearn for that someone to come in and take me away from all these.
Fairytales are not real, it would never happen to a person like me. I may be distressed at all times but I am not a princess, I am not a beautiful damsel who can and will be saved by a knight in shining armor, or a prince.A child in me may like to pretend that I am, a princess or a maiden just waiting to be swept off her feet but I can not.
I have to face and endure everything alone. I have to keep myself from breaking down, to be somehow okay even when most of the time I am at my wit's end.
I am now in the state of wanting to die but is to afraid of ending my own's life so all I can do is to slowly destroy myself from the inside out in hopes that someday all of this will end.