Well, I got through last night without drinking and I am sober today! I finally expressed my feelings to my husband, and told him that I didn't want to drink at all anymore. I said I just don't enjoy it like you do, I can't have a couple drinks and be alright. If I drink this, the entire time I am just going to want more and more. He said he wouldn't drink at home anymore, which was a huge relief, but said that if we were out at social gatherings he was still going to drink. I don't mind that because he has never had a problem with alcohol, weird, because he is a fellow addict. Alcohol isn't my first choice, I would rather get high, but now that there are no drugs (lets just say alcohol isn't a drug for a second, we all know it is, I just mean hard drugs) alcohol is a problem. I have always turned to alcohol in the absence of my drug of choice, and I know that is common for addicts once they quit one thing, to switch to something else. He just never has had a taste for abusing alcohol. In the past it has made me jealous because he can have a drink and put it down, when I on the other hand just get trashed even when I tell myself to have just a few, it's never enough. And it's like that with EVERY drug I do. There is nothing I can just take it easy with. Anyways, I really think it would be smart to get a sponser. At first last night I didn't feel any sense of empowerment from not drinking, I just kept thinking about all the horrible things that have happened because of my using and drinking and I was feeling guilty and didn't like that I continue to want to use so badly in the wake of all the good that has come without it. But once I talked to my husband and said that it just wasn't the same for me as it was for him, and I needed to go to meetings to stay clean and I need a network of human contact to stay clean, I felt a bit better and that I hadn't failed. I had just had the feelings and thoughts, but I had not acted on them. I have to remind myself that everyday I get through clean and sober is an accomplishment in itself. It's not easy, I find that the less I go to meetings the more I want to use. It's going to take work, and just because I feel good doesn't mean I've conquered this. I tend to think I don't need meetings or others in the fellowship when I am doing well and I using seems farthest from my mind. I think that's when it sneaks up on you, and I think that's what has happened, now that the intial euphoria of the new baby has lifted some. Today I am going to hit up two meetings

2 Comments
  1. jjrocksarizona 13 years ago

    just keep the attitude that recovery is the most important thing in your life. the right choices will always come when you put your heart in to it. best wishes for your new life in recovery. you’ll never regret your deciscion to stay clean. just try to remember that using is not an option today and being miserable is not an option today. recovery is a journey not a destination and use the rest stops along the way.

     

    in recovery for life,

     

    JJ

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  2. newwayoflife 13 years ago

    sound’s like a good plan.. for me im a junkie but i still dont hang with people that drink ! that includes my family ! is that sick or what. good luck.. Skagary

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