Well, I got through last night without drinking and I am sober today! I finally expressed my feelings to my husband, and told him that I didn't want to drink at all anymore. I said I just don't enjoy it like you do, I can't have a couple drinks and be alright. If I drink this, the entire time I am just going to want more and more. He said he wouldn't drink at home anymore, which was a huge relief, but said that if we were out at social gatherings he was still going to drink. I don't mind that because he has never had a problem with alcohol, weird, because he is a fellow addict. Alcohol isn't my first choice, I would rather get high, but now that there are no drugs (lets just say alcohol isn't a drug for a second, we all know it is, I just mean hard drugs) alcohol is a problem. I have always turned to alcohol in the absence of my drug of choice, and I know that is common for addicts once they quit one thing, to switch to something else. He just never has had a taste for abusing alcohol. In the past it has made me jealous because he can have a drink and put it down, when I on the other hand just get trashed even when I tell myself to have just a few, it's never enough. And it's like that with EVERY drug I do. There is nothing I can just take it easy with. Anyways, I really think it would be smart to get a sponser. At first last night I didn't feel any sense of empowerment from not drinking, I just kept thinking about all the horrible things that have happened because of my using and drinking and I was feeling guilty and didn't like that I continue to want to use so badly in the wake of all the good that has come without it. But once I talked to my husband and said that it just wasn't the same for me as it was for him, and I needed to go to meetings to stay clean and I need a network of human contact to stay clean, I felt a bit better and that I hadn't failed. I had just had the feelings and thoughts, but I had not acted on them. I have to remind myself that everyday I get through clean and sober is an accomplishment in itself. It's not easy, I find that the less I go to meetings the more I want to use. It's going to take work, and just because I feel good doesn't mean I've conquered this. I tend to think I don't need meetings or others in the fellowship when I am doing well and I using seems farthest from my mind. I think that's when it sneaks up on you, and I think that's what has happened, now that the intial euphoria of the new baby has lifted some. Today I am going to hit up two meetings