School has just began. The meds I ve been taking dont seem 2 be effective anymore (welbutrin 300mg). they give me severe joint pain and insomnia. I am a student and I cant afford this right now. I am drifting away in class. One doc says I have ADD, the other says Aspergers, the other says major depression. I feel like im being tossed around like a hot potatoe and nobody cares. This is my life! Personally I beleive its Aspergers, but IDK. My school is in a hospital so upon the insistance of my boyfriend, we went to see the head of the psy. department. My boyfriend and I together told him my problems and he was very kind. He promised to get back with us. He said he would speak with his other colleaugues to link me with someone who can give me the proper medicine I need. Then I can continue to see him 4 psycho therapy. Im just scared. For you all that have read my forum topic u guys know my history. Ill be 27 in August and I just feel so held back. I know its not my fault, but I just dont understand- i didnt ask for this. to follow a dream is very hard, but I never thought I would be hoppong around like a bunny from psychiatrist to psychiatrist. Each day is a drag. Not doing as well in school, drifting away constantly in class, unable to keep up, unable 2 study at home. Sometimes I wonder y I even bother.Upon the suggestion of a friend with a similar problem, Ive often thought about just being a house wife and let my boyfriend go ahead. I know thats a terrible idea, but can it be worse than what Im going thru now? The doc said he would have answers for me tomorrow. What I dont need is someone minimizing my problems or accusing me of having "self pity" or saying "Oh thats nothing, I feel that way sometimes too." I hate that. The next doctor that tells me that I will go off on. You can never relate to what Im feeling. You might feel that way sometimes, but this is a way of life for me. Each day I wake up struggling to keep from falling into the black hole- my depressive state. Daily living is a challenge and it makes me wonder y bother even living. Anyway Im desparate for help, I know I cant keep failing classes and transferring. I really want to finish school but I dont know how I can if I dont get the help I need. and again, Ill be 30 in 3 years. I dont want2 still be on this same path. The man seemed very understanding and kind. Im scared though. Ive been let down so much by ppl Ive trusted family, friends, doctors, etc. I admit things have gotten better since my forum post. But it seems Im still void of something. It seems that this medicine has taken me as far as it can and now the ride is over. Im better, but i need more. Im lost and distrustful. Hope 2morrow brings some answers…..

1 Comment
  1. adara11 11 years ago

     thanx for the insight, but the problem is learning itself. I enjoy my feild its the only thing I ever see my self doing. Its my dream. But I sometimes wonder if those with mental illness have the privelege of living their dream. atleast mine seems so hard 2 attain….

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