Well I wasted an entire day doing nothing but crying, stuffing my face, bickering, pacing, and gaming.
Today was patch day for World of Warcraft so I wound up sitting in front of my computer for something like 8 hours until it came back online. The sad thing is that I'm not addicted to the game, it's just one of those things that I do when anxious. Like if the game isn't online, I'll spend hours reading the forums and looking stuff up, just back to back to back to back because it's one of the few things that can help me spend my nervous energy.
If the game is already online, I game for hours on end. Even if I'm tired and want to sleep, if I also feel anxious I can't stop until the nervous energy is gone. I even do this sort of thing when listening to music only I pace and can do so for up to half an hour at a time.
You might be wondering why something like walking doesn't help and here is why — my brain isn't occupied by enough to keep me from becoming even more anxious. Reading doesn't work because my brain is already too active to focus on a complicated plot. I need something that I can do fast and without needing a break to keep my mind centered on something besides what is bothering me.
I really need to find another way to deal with my anxiety and depression. Tomorrow I should clean but we'll see how that goes. I always make plans and then break them. =/ I just need to avoid the bf/ex for a while. I don't even know what the hell he is anymore but I'm sick of feeling like I have to settle. I'm not a prude but I made it very clear when we met that I'm not into that whole talking about girls and sex with girls and gross, perverted stuff lifestyle. I'm his damn girlfriend, not his best male friend who he's talking about other girls with, wtf?
I don't think I should have to feel uncomfortable with him because he's trying to convince me that he's "normal" and I'm really pissed off at the moment for ever considering trying to keep up with him and please him. Just whatever.
I need to sleep today off like a bad hangover.