yesterday my boyfriend found out i was using depression tribe. i was dreading this day to come.
i found myself feeling quite defensive about this place, even though i had mentioned beforehand the cons strongly in the debaters group. i was completely denying myself, and for the first time feeling angry and upset. i don’t feel like i come here for the wrong reasons at all. the sole purpose of me being here on depression tribe is blogging. solely. blogging about all the different things that come in my life, all the problems, all the feelings. i share this by writing abstract pieces, poetry, and just rants. but why is it wrong? this is what i can’t seem to understand. why can’t the people i love understand that i am here because there is no other way i cope? why do they think i come here because i can’t talk to them? i can, but this is different. here i am able to say whatever comes to my mind, and simply not care..because in fact, the ones i love can’t see me hurting this bad. if anything, thats the one reason i don’t like talking to them about it. because i don’t want them to know the truth.
i guess on the exterior, i am a very happy and bubbly person. i appear to be happy, but i guess this comes with being selfless. you put on acts of joy so other people can be happy. that’s my weakness in a way, the ones i love, because i try so hard to make you believe i’m okay…and i am not..
if you are reading this, i’m sorry i hurt you. i didn’t want you to find me here, but you have..i don’t come here for the reasons you believe i do. i just wish i had someone in my life who could understand me and believe as much as i wish someone would..