I was always said to myself theres no way I’ll ever try that no way why would I want to hit that.No I don’t need the drugs to have a good time. Watched a lot of my friends become addicted at young age always being the one who refused to try it felt like i didn’t need anything to make me feel better. Boy was I wrong……. 23 years old sitting on my front porch popping pills with my  roommates having a great time not a care in the world. Or should I say none that matter to us as much as that next pill. Then here came the drinking sure why not right let me take these with some of that. I went about this life for a couple years noone could tell me any different I had it under control HA no I didn’t. September 28,2006 I woke up not remembering anything about the night before. As i walked around the house it was clear there was a lot of partying that took place. Empty pill bottles empty ej bottles dark eyes and jack daniel bottles tossed here and there. First time i didn’t remember the next morning. First time I knew I needed help serious help. made that call to my mom as I sat on the steps out front she pulled up got of the car never yelled screamed or judged she took my bag put it in the trunk and off we went. That first 30 days were the worse but also the best. i was finally clean yea I had urges and thought just one more time noone know but my mom would. It took time but I got my life together got clean cut off ties to a lot of people  got a job reunited with my high school sweetheart hadn’t seen him since 2002. Life was good. March 22,2009 I got married and started new chapter in my life. The next few years flew by so fast work making a home family. August 28,2013 I lost my mom to cervical cancer. We had fought with drs since early june of that year we knew something wasn’t right. Spent tons of time in ers and waiting rooms only to be told she was fine. It wasn’t till late july we found out what was really going on. That next month went so fast and before we knew it we had to make that decision to take her off life support a decision no child should ever make. I had went to my family dr told her everything that was going on and she gave me a script for that old friend. I told myself you’ll be okay just take it when you need it to help calm down. Taking that first pill and having it kick in made me want more…..then more….then more. I knew I couldn’t let it take over went to an impatient treatment for 60 days great right came home ready to get back into my life only to have my world come crashing down again. December 23 2013 my grandmother passed away. so there went two of my best friends the two people who never judged me but held me when I wanted to give up. I fall into a deep depression and just wanted to forget.So I did. the next 3 1/2 years i just didn’t care. Popped pills to forget it all slept all day partied all night left my husband I was done with everything and didn’t care if I lived the next day. April 2017 a friend came over with crack never had tried it before I was just a pill girl but i thought might as well. spent 4 days just smoking over drafted bank account sold stuff I didnt care. Spent two months working everyday to get my fix at the end of the day (no i did not sale my body). June 27,2017 I got that huge wake up call. police knocked on my door I never had problems with police can you believe that a druggie never getting caught. I guess my time was coming right. I spent the next 72 hours at processing it was hell. But a hell I thank God I was able to go through. 4 months and one week I am still clean. I won’t lie I still struggle and think I can get that one hit and control it but I know I can’t. Its been hard but I know that with God by my side and the little bit of family I have I will make it. I will not let drugs define my life again. I can’t. This road is never easy but its also really worth it though. so when i thought no not me I’m not that girl i look back and say yes it can happen to anyone its all about saying no and now I say NO and will. I have too much to look forward to in life.


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