I just started taking Abilify yesterday, and I hope to God it starts to kick in soon. If I could stay in bed all day and do nothing, that would be fine. But, I have to work for a living. I can barely function, and the boss from hell doesn't help. At least she's not here much, but when she is she is extremely overbearing and constantly prodding into my business. Not to mention, her work ethic SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She is constantly screwing people over. I've never met a more self-absorbed person.

Oh why is life so hard for some and not others. I want so badly to be loved by a man, but the ones I find either lie to me or just want a piece of ass. At least the last guy was honest and told me he wasn't ready for anything but that. He's still not over his ex. He didn't get a piece of me. Still, I'm so lonely. I don't think many men can handle my depression, but for some reason I think if I found a good one I wouldn't be depressed.

I have talk therapy today, and I have been going to this guy for a few years now. I really like him and feel better after venting to him. However, I feel I have not made an ounce of progress. Why, just a month ago I was the closest I've ever come to suicide, and believe me the first time will be successful. I haven't had a good day in a long time, with the exception of the one day I went to NYC. Something about the city made me feel alive again.

Maybe I should move. Although part of my illness makes me very indecisive. One minute I want to move to Georgia (so sick of the harsh winters here). One minute I want to go back to school, and then one minute it's for computers, the next it's for business, the next I want to be a lawyer, the next I want to be a preacher. I can't make a damn decision about anything!!!!!!!!!!

December 21, 2012 cannot come soon enough!!!!!!!!!!!