So this my first time on here, and i really just wanted a place to vent my feelings and frustrations that keep going around my head threatening to make me go insane! Basically a month ago i started getting intrusive thoughts and long story short- i self harmed and tried to kill myself. i had gone to the doctors but they would not help me. anyways i had to see a private psychiatrist an he has put me on quietiapine. now he assured me it had the lowest risk of weight gain. but of course when i got home i looked it up on the internet and found so many horror stories about weight gain. i have spent endless hours searching as to WHY it causes weight gain. if it was just from an increased appetite then i just would not give into that. i used to have an eating disorder and have displayed a lot of signs of OCD (pure o type) and this has now become one of my main obsessions. the news meds have calmed it down a little bit. but i have already convinced myself i'm goin gto gain loads of weight on it. so i decided to try and be rational and weigh myself tomorrow, eeat healthily, go to the gym and then weigh myself the following week. then i would be able to tell if i put on weight. but im so obsessed by it , that i don't know how to get through the week of the waiting to see what will happen. all this results in is me ending up avoiding life and oversleeping. but i know i can't do that forever, i've already done that for nearly a month. i though if i did it the rational way at least i would have a definite answer. but through my OCD/anxiety, its an absolute nightmare in my head. i cannot bare to wait a whole week, the anticipation, the waiting, how do you live through that? obviously i still have irrational thoughts and i know that but i'm terrified of putting on weight. avoidance doesn't work with this issue, and if anything makes it worse cause then all i do is focus on it to the point it takes over my life. but facing it is so difficult. i guess i just gotta do it. it mayb hard, but the avoiding facing it and not finding out for sure will lead to more torment in my mind. and me constantly wondering has it made me put on weight??

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