Hey everyone, a little background first. I have purely obessional OCD mostly worrying that I did something awful in my past to people or that I will do something bad, or that my actions are evil in motive. It's usually fear that is sexual in nature. This has, in the past year or so, turned into physical avoidance. If I am walking down the street I will physically avoid people so that I do not so much as even brush against them. As you can imagine this is a near impossible task when streets are crowded. If I do bump itno anyone I suddenly wonder "Did I purposely do that? Did I do that because they looked really young? Did I do it because they were a kid? Was it sexually motivated?" — Here's the thing, I know I am not sexually interested in these people but I severely worry I am (that's the OCD). I know this sounds OCD normal so far. The reason I am posting about this is because of some more confusing events. Here's an example: I'm walking down the street approaching a woman who is about to pass by me, close to me. I get my anxious feelings, my head is going "WARNING AVOID AVOID AVOID" and my body is telling me to get out of the way because it has been conditioned to feel that way at this point. But as I pass by I might suddenly PURPOSELY brush into her, maybe just my coat brushing past hers. Despite everyhting in me saying "Get away!" I suddenly do the opposite purposely. Is that a normal OCD thing? This has tortured me for hours on end, analyzing why I suddenly did this thing I knew I did not want to do. A friend with Purely obsessional OCD assured me it's normal and just part of the neuroses and OCD going on in me, but I wanted to see if anyone else could relate maybe?
Also I'm VERY familiar with the "Don't think of a pink elephant, now what are you thinking of? A pink elephant." idea but this is physical. Anyone?