I have decided to do something new with my OCD. I will keep a journal and track what gives the OCD power and why I could be so afraid of this particular fear. I have never done this before, but I believe that this will help me understand my feelings better. There are days I simply sit around thinking about my fears but I don’t really try to understand them.   If we are to face our fears then we have to learn why it is we have them.

I will go further than simply keep a journal. I will post it on OCD Tribe so that others can see what I am experiencing. Sharing my fears in the past has always healed me and I know that being open will help me again. I would appreciate any honest thoughts about what it is I experience. 

My OCD is sometimes very personal and thus the reason that what I write may be offensive.  If you are then I am sorry but I can’t hide it. OCD focuses on what we desire the most.

 These are the fears that I face during the day through the week.

The fear of being overweight: I see someone who is unhealthy and I am afraid that I will become like that.

The fear of the words I write: I write sentences that sometimes have to be edited because I am afraid that a combination of words will cause my fears to be real.

The fear of hurting someone I love: My OCD tells me that unless I follow a ritual or mental ritual then someone I love may be hut.

The fear of spiritual powers: I am afraid that there are powers such as the devil that may harm me unless I follow a ritual. 

At times my OCD is only one of these, or a combination, of these fears. One may think I am a schizophrenic and there are times when I think I have developed the illness.   I know that this isn’t my problem despite what I may feel. I have started talking aloud to myself to challenge the fear but this is only when I am alone. 

I will write my first journal soon.