I always have trouble staying on task.  I get things done so very slowly.  It takes so much focus and desire to complete the simplist of things.  Whenever my mind gets the chance to obsess, it does.  As soon as I get distracted while reading, watching, doing, fixing, washing, searching, driving, walking, sitting etc etc etc… I’m forced to review what exactly i’m doing and why.  I’m forced to disect the reasons and deconstruct them till they make sense.  Lots of sense.  These analyzations lead me down paths to which I begin analyzing new and unrelated topics… which bring new thoughts, ideas, and unfortunatley worries.  I am led to all sorts of things, and I cannot bring my mind back every easily, and time is drained faster than beer stays in my fridge.  It’s like a bad movie…

The quicker I get back on topic, back doing what ever I’m doing, the less obessive I get and the less paths I am forced down; thus, the key to the erosion of pain and obsession in this case is firmly but gently bringing my mind back to my point of focus as soon as I find it wandering/obsessing.  It must be said this is extremely fucking difficult and sometimes becomes a literal living nightmare.  When I catch myself off task I instantly realize I must focus before I get sucked into the abyss of obsessive analyzation… but the OCD grabs a hold, and as I begin to refocus on the task at hand I can feel the waves of horror nipping my the back of my mind.  As I mentally begin to sprint toward my object of focus the wave of horror crashes over my mind and drags me back as current flows back to sea of thought deconstruction.  I regain my mental footing and head for the focal point once again, but sometimes the set of waves is too long, and often it takes multiple minutes to even gain some type of stable footing.  Should anything change while I’m battling the waves, the journey become exponentially more technical… things become blurry, and white out conditions become the weather pattern.

 

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