Everyday I wake up hoping that my OCD will disapear and I will be like I was before it surfaced. I spend countless hours wasting time checking and quadruple checking. whole days fly by. Sometime I watch others get in the car off for a day at the beach while I am still trying to leave the house. People learned not to wait for me, or they will lie to me when there is an event and tell me to be there at 4pm when the party really starts at 6pm.
Anyways I could go on and on and on. What is beginning to worry me the most is that my own adult children are so fed up with me they sometimes don't even talk to me, or want to spend time with me (I can't blame them) I am very hurt by this. they are un willing to believe that OCD is really the culprit. They think I am making it up, or that I am looking for attention. I am in therapy and my son went to one session and hopefully he will begin to see that I am not making it up.
the more my family rejects me, the more my OCD flairs up to the max. I crave just to take a nice walk with my family or go to lunch, but my kids refuse to spend time with me. I HATE OCD and what it is doing to my life. i want to fight it full-force before I loose everything. It is so bad that I am told I qualify for diability, but I have a job with benefits. I don't want to loose my job or give up.
I wake up everyday thinking today will be the day i will fight the OCD and expose myself to my fears of contamination, but, I freeze up and start washing my hands. Its an endless battle. Don't wish this upon anybody.
I feel like Ripvanwinkle, so much time goes by and I am just waking up!
I know exactly how you feel! I sit and watch other people going about their lives, while mine passes me by. I tell myself that they are going to the same places and touching the same things that I feel i can't and nothing happens to them (other than having a life and making good memories). I don't even have friends anymore. All I have to do is find out that a person has gone to a place that I feel contaminated about and I can't have contact with them anymore. I'm sooo tired of this, I don't know how much more I can take. OCD has stolen so much from me. It's not fair.
Glimmer, thank you for your respond. I am very sad to hear that you too are experiencing a sense of "life passing you by" I too will avoid people that have been to places that I feel are contaminated. It can be such a taxing, stressful life!
What will become of us? I am so angry that I want to fight, what do I have to loose, I have already lost so much? I guess one of the problems is how do I fight? I am going to dabble in exposure therapy, a bit scarey but why not?
I get it.