I am so sad and feel so crappy.  I felt the anxiety coming back this morning, but instead of letting it get to me I just carried on with my day and carried on doing things.  I knew this was a bad idea  – i should have a taken a few moments out to myself to do my meditation and to relax to combat the anxiety.  Just as i thought i had overcome the anxiety today things started to go bad.  Then my dad turned up and made things worse making me feel like real crap and making everyone sooo stressed and creating such a tense atmosphere where everyone was hostile to one another! then my sis and bf ignored me and i that made me feel worse.  Then we had to watch a film that my bf wanted to watch even though that was the last things i wanted to do.  So we ended up having a really late night even the effing clocks went back last night so we gained an hour i am still trying to play catch up.  I have had an effing enough!  When will i catch a break and just be able to get on with my life!  I realise anything worth having takes effort and hard work but seriously, how much more does karma wanna test me with?!?!? I just want a normal few days so if there is another set back i can cope with it better than this!  I have really had a gutsful and when i think about it all, i just get sooooo angry and so upset all in one go – i am soooo tired all day and can't focus properly in the day any more because i am sooo effing tired from trying to get into a good routine and have a normal effing life.  And who is the main cause for nothing changing or holding me – my effing bf!  he is such an effing waste of space some days and such an effing pain in my backside that i have had enough!  I cant fight the tears anymore so will just cry myself to sleep.  good night DT and i hope things are going better for you all!

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