I mentioned that I would write more of my story, picking up where I left off… here it is.
My anxiety/panic attacks started getting really bad when my parents' health took a turn for the worse. Mom is a very sweet and hard-working Registered Nurse. Her battle with bi-polar disorder has been a long journey for not only her, but for the whole family. On top of that, she was recently diagnosed with an aneurism on her Aortic Arch. My great grandma and my great aunt died of ruptured aortic aneurisms, so the stress and worrying from that is taking it's toll on my mother and the family as well. Her aneurism is 4.8cm big, it has to be 5cm before they will repair it. Mom is handling things really well, and she is truely an amazing person. She works full time, and then comes home to help my dad, whose story is as follows…
My dad has always been my rock. He was a strong man, that enjoyed many of thesimple things in life. Depression has robbed him of the things he once enjoyed, and what depression didnt take…. well the 4th stage kidney failure is taking care of. He is anemic, because the wounds in his feet wont heal, because of his diabetes. He sleeps a lot now, and it breaks my heart that he has to muster up so much energy to even play with his grandkids. My daughter, and my brothers 2 daughters. He has dr.s appointments every day this week. Later this month he has to have surgery to prep his arm for dialysis. Eventually, a transplant will be needed. He is strong and determined, he will make it through.
So, seeing as my mom and dad are both not doing the greatest, the housework and a lot of the running is my way of helping out. Seeing as my daughter and I still live with my parents. (I cant afford to move out yet) =0( So, seeing my Heros fading in and out… well, it's got my nerves shot. Anxiety attacks, panic attacks… well I guess thats how my worrying manifests itself, because I try not to let them see me worry.
My little Girl, well she seriously is the light of my life. I love her more than I ever could have thought someone could love another. She is 3 now, and so smart and caring. I have custody of her. Her daddy doesnt get any overnight visits. Makes me sad too, because she is starting to ask questions about why her daddy doesnt live with us. I try to tell her that maybe one day that will change, but explaining that to a 3 year old is hard… she doesnt understand. All I can do, is tell her and show her how much I love her, and hope that someday she will understand what is happening.
Those were some of the points in life that brought me here. Obviously there are tons more, but to write about every single one would not only take forever, but bore everyone to bits. So, if you have questions, feel free to ask. I'm pretty much an open book. I hope you all have a good day.