I am new to this site so starting out with who am I and why am I here. Well I have been diagnosed with depression about 12 years ago and have been pretty stable on medications with some bad days and some great days. Then about 2 months ago depression knocked me for a loop. I was working and each day I noticed I was becoming sad, emotional, insecure, I would cry for no apparent reason, I was working as a home health nurse and I could not bring myself to go into my patients homes. I would cry while driving to the homes and struggle through the time with them and cry all the way to the next home. I was falling fast and hard. I talked with my boss and am now on short term disability. I feel lost, alone, sad, mad, frustrated, incompetent and just down. I feel like I don't belong anywhere and no one cares if I am here or not. I feel like a failure as a wife, mother and friend. I never in a million years thought I would be in this place. I have been most days so low I cannot complete any normal activities. I cry most days fo basically for no reason. I have thoughts racing through my head telling me how bad I am as a person. I have lost my confidence and cannot do my job as a nurse. this is horrible and I have to struggle to get out of bed, everything I do takes so much energy. I have come so close to wanting to run and leave everything behind me. I have imaginged what life would be like if I was not here.
I pull myself through each day and decided I need to fight this beast of depression and I will not let depression win. I feel weak and there are days I am not sure I can do this but a little glimmer of hope comes through and I make it one more day. I have good support and people that will listen,it helps at times and others times I feel like a burden. I have my faith that helps also and a wonderful therapist.
Depression is a horrible beast that tries to take hold and pull me down telling me lies about myself and what others think and it is strong but I know when I make it through this and find the light I will have accomplished a difficult task and I will be better because of it.
DEPRESSION WILL NOT WIN