I bought the book "What to Expect When You're Expecting." off of Amazon today. My ex's mother bought us a paperback copy a few weeks ago and my ex left it here for me to read for about a week. I didn't touch it and had no real desire to. I figured it was all stuff for women anyway and I wasn't enthusiastic about the pregnancy to begin with. Well, the joke may be on me. She's gradually starting to talk a little more over text and something that got her attention last night was when I said I bought a copy. She replied in a couple minutes with "Aren't you working?" (normally I wouldn't get anything or it would take a couple hours). I told her I bought a digital copy so I could read it on my phone and tablet. If I wasn't working I would've asked if I could meet her somewhere to get the laptop and save her some gas. She said she'll meet me today in the afternoon and chatted a little more about how her clothes aren't fitting anymore and she only has a couple things to wear now, what her schedule is tomorrow, not much else. Anyways, I've been reading that book. It has a LOT of information that may explain why all of this is happening. I don't doubt me being an asshole has caused a lot of this, but if I'm right she's actually been protecting herself and our baby 😀 Domestic violence increases greatly among partners who weren't planning on a child or are very negative about it. Add onto that the whole hormone thing increasing the depression she already had and my negativity and attitude making it even worse, and to top it off my attitude (yet again) possibly making me less supportive of her feelings and mood. If I'm right, then it all makes sense and "I" was the one who was misunderstanding. I would NEVER hurt her or our baby, let alone anyone else who wasn't causing an immediate threat to themselves or someone else (if you've read my previous blogs you may have gathered that from my tone and comments to other people, plus my background in the medical field) but I can definitely understand her viewpoint. She really only knew me for a couple months so she didn't have any previous history to go off of other than her last 2 abusive relationships. I can definitely understand her pulling back and I plan to thank her for it. It almost makes me cry in a happy/proud/damn I love this woman way that she's willing to doanything to protect our baby. I know that's obvious in a common sense way thanks to news, movies, etc but when you're the parentit makes it feel completely different. In an earlier blog I mentioned how she said over the phone in response to my apologizing and the letter I wrote her if this was just about dating it would be different, but there's a baby involved now and it was kinda more than just stress hurting the baby. Now I understand.

I may be setting myself up for a huge disappointment letting so much ride on this new information I learned thanks to this book, but it made me breath a huge sigh of relief and almost completely got rid of the agony and depression I'd been feeling over this. If I am wrong, then oh well. At least I was at peace for 12 hours and that's more than I've had for the last week and a half.

Also – if you are expecting, I strongly recommend this book, especially if you are the father. Yes it's mostly geared towards the mother but it will really help you understand what's going on with her body and through her mind. You'll know what to expect and how you can help her. Plus they have some drawings of what your baby may look like at certain times so you kinda know when you'll be able to see their little feet and hands 🙂 Damn I wish I would've been this excited in the beginning. I may be more excited than her haha