Behind Blue doors

So it was that time of night again. My mother told me this was something in our genes,something that would never go away. I didn’t want to listen to her because I knew it was true. I wanted to thank her for helping me throughout these years
and when I finally got a little better, I did. I remember talking to her, as she tried not to cry, but she couldn’t. I know people go through pain, some worse than others but I just couldn’t watch her cry. I just couldn’t watch someone suffer like this.This is my life. This is the way things are going to be. Only my future can tell me what
will happen, for the better or worse. I never lost my faith, even with the drama in my life. I never lost the smile on my face. Walking into school as people commented why I was always so
happy but they never knew the real me, what was happening underneath, and they never will.
Even at home, my mother would watch me from across the room, look at me, and think
everything was okay. It made me wonder, I wish people could understand my problems, but
these feelings I cant explain. I think about this, as I sit on these cold hardwood floors, the same ones from five years ago when I was going this a dramatic depression- it was the worse in my life. Behind these blue doors lead to a corner, where I didn’t leave, still crying.
My life changed when I was thirteen. Teen years are supposed to be filled with new and
positive experiences, mine were slightly different. All teens face the same drama, but some deal with more intense issues. I remember the night that changed my life forever. It was cloudy, but you could still see the sun shine through the clouds. Being surrounded with family who I haven’t seen in a while at an amusement park would make anyone happy. I was thrilled, I remember the pictures we captured and the videos that were filmed. Anyone would describe it as a perfect day and it was. I wish I never stepped out of my bed that night, that I would of walked into that but I did, and that’s when my OCD began. I told myself, it could of happen anywhere, but it happened now and my life will never be the same. at first I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I would do these crazy rituals that I never done before. At times, I couldn’t stop, until my brain told me so. It was a weird feeling. As I reached high school, these problems became severe. School and friends wasn’t an interest to me. I wasted so many nights in the bathroom crying. My parents heard these cries for help and got concerned. I wanted to be at a place where I wouldn’t have to worry about these problems, I just needed to get away.
With different tests and MRI’ S, I was diagnosed with OCD- Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It’s a disease that triggers your brain to do compulsions. Also, the OCD made me
depressed. After seeing a few therapists, It concluded that I had two disorders, OCD and
depression. One of the first therapist, insisted that I go to a mental institution. This is when I
thought, this is it, and this is what my life has come to. I knew I needed help but I wasn’t sure, I was scared to go. My parents refused this suggestion. Years have past and I’m still in the bathroom, sitting in the same corner. Only this time, I’m crying tears of joy. Its been years since my breakdown and I’ve been through a lot but I’ve manage through it with the help of others. Sue Vitek, of South Huntington, NY, has been more
than a therapist, but is an remarkable caring person. With her help, I met other teens my age with
the same problem. It was the best thing meeting these teens because we weren’t alone and we had
something in common to share. I believe that happiness is the best feeling in the world. It
controls your emotions, not just to yourself but to others. You have a more positive outlook in
life. Some say therapist and medication may not help but for me it did. I’m a thankful person, for
having these medications helping me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not 100% cured, I still have OCD
and depression once in while but its not as bad as it was in my younger years. All I know is that
to those who have disorders to continue fighting. It’s something we live with and it will always
be a part of our past. This is my life; I can get up and leave this bathroom, cause I know things
will never be the same.

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