I'm new to this community.  I was looking for an OCD support group in my area using google, and what I found was a link to this site.  I like it.  I am not sure how much I should share in this blog, because I'm really not sure how much of this is available to people outside of this community on the internet.  

I will say that there really isn't much in the way of support for OCD in my immediate area.  There also isn't much understanding.  For example, my doctor knows that I have OCD (he diagnosed me), but he thinks that the medication will fix it to an extent that I will not require therapy.  I, on the other hand, think that I would benefit greatly from therapy.  I want to look into getting started with a therapist, but I would like to do it with his blessing (which he won't give).

My doctor is also under the impression that I should just "go out and get a job".  I've tried, really I have.  I have a GED and some college education (I could not finish for financial reasons), but in this area there are not many jobs available to someone like me with hardly any skills.  However, a job is a job.  I took a job a McDonalds.  I didn't work there for long.  I was the morning grill manager, in charge of opening the grill part of the restaurant and making breakfast.  I got off of work at one, after I had finished the dishes from breakfast and gotten the next shift stocked up with ingredients.  

I was often late clocking out, because I would check and re-check things,  wash the dishes three times each.  The final straw for me was when we ran out of English muffins for the Mcmuffin sandwiches, and my  boss brought me a case of expired muffins, telling me to cut off the mold and serve them.  I quit.  On the spot.

After I gathered the courage to look for another job, I got a job at a gas station/convenience store.  On my first day, as I learned the register and how to ring up the orders of customers, I could not press the keys on the keyboard.  They were literally black with dirt and grime. I got some lysol out of my purse and started cleaning the keys off.  I accidentally pressed a big red key while cleaning it.  I didn't know it, but it was the emergency pump stop button.  I stopped all of the pumps (which were full with customers filling up).  About fifteen angry people stormed into the store wanting the manager, and I was so humiliated that I went into the store bathroom and refused to come out for three and a half hours.  

I'm to afraid to try working again.  My doctor is a good doctor for the most part.  He listens to my issues when it comes to medication,  but other than that I think he is either lost, or he doesn't want to realize how bad OCD is.  

I guess in order to understand how bad it really is, he would have to be checking his stove, door and window locks, and electrical outlets 277 times before going to sleep. 

*Sigh* 

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