I have this habit of biting the skin off the inside of my bottom lip. I think its more an anxiety thing.  When it starts to heal it gets sore. I keep on touching it with my tongue, as i do when ever i have a cut or something in my mouth. It would heal quicker if i didn’t do this.

Maybe this is like some sort of crazy metaphore for life. Like.. "if you leave it alone, it will heal" or " leave it alone, don’t touch it, don’t agrivate it. It will get better". Maybe i’m just talking crap. Well thats not something new anyway.

I miss the beach. I havn’t been to the beach in such a long time. I love the beach (though I hate sand). I like swimming in the surf, but i have such an issue with my body that doing things like that really don’t appeal to me anymore. The surf is just cleansing and just having that feeling that i’m not in controll. If i just float and go where ever the waves or current takes me. Its great.

I’m scared of the dark. Well only when outside. I always have this incredible feeling like there is something watching me. Actually even when i’m in the house outside of my room, i feel like there is something (or someone) watching or following me. How crazy is it that a 23 year old is scared of the dark!! I hope i’m not the only one out there that thinks like that. Well really even if I am, doesn’t that make me unique? but do i want to be unique? thats the question isn’t it.

I once seen a show that said that your bedroom says alot about you. I wonder if thats true. I guess if it is i’m in alot of trouble. My bedroom is such a mess. Its awful. I just don’t have the motivation to clean it. I guess if someone were to come in they would think that i’m lazy and messy. I guess I am. Well acutally I don’t know if you could call me lazy, maybe just "unmotivated"..actually no… i’m pretty lazy too.

I seen a show last night about these super morbidly obese people in america. I look like them.. I may not weigh as much as them, but I still look like them. They made comments like "I’m trapped in my body" and "my body is a prison". I feel like that. Maybe one day i’ll be one of those people who are so big that they can’t get out of bed, and need the fire department to get me out of my house.

 

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