Im not sure if any one else has expeirenced this or not. I go through points in my recovery ( i say recovery becuase i KNOW i will get through this i just have to!) and i feel Angry. I am not angry with people just myself and my anxiety. I get so frustrated that this anxiety has still got a hold of me. I crave change i want to move across country, i want to see all my family in different states, i want to have a full time job and not have to worry about if i can handle it, i want to go to my favorite band concerts. I know plenty of people with anxiety and it doesnt limit them as much as i let anxiety limit me ( i am so envious) I want change and its not happening fast enough for me. Its a vicious cycle i have anxiety and it limits me to the point im depressed about it. I dont know if being frustrated is a good thing or not? I just remember a point of my recovery at which i was ok with laying on the couch all day, i was ok with avoiding people/places/things as long as i could just be left alone and i didnt have to explain to anyone why im freaking out or why i couldnt go. I would litterally do anything or say anything just to get out of it. Now i feel as if i am grieving the loss of my social life and the way things used to be before my anxiety got really bad. Hopefully i get frustrated enough to make myself forget of my anxiety. If i can come to that point id be happy. I have to keep reminding myself that i have come along it just so hard when you've made the "long haul" but you look infront of you and you see miles and miles to go.
sorry….I know this blog is all over the place. thats just the way my mind feels right now.