I wonder if I should learn to not share to real people, after all, it is tiring to listen to problems. Even I do not have the ability to listen to others problems, I want my life to be fun and enjoyable.
Many a times, I wanted to remove myself from the many watsapp chats.. or remove myself from groups until I am more stable. I sense that people are uncomfortable with me.. and I am not keen in them shouldering my burden, give me time, leave me alone, I can cope..
To me, people are not nasty, they just cannot cope, they have their own share of problems, they are unable to take up some more, especially if it is unending.. in physical life.. virtual world is ok, you can choose when to respond or not, or not at all.. so it is not so scary..
Maybe I have to learn to not share my problems in real life. Do it and not share it. Telling people you will not but not doing it will not help. Pretending to be happy.. with time, it will become a habit? Doing what has to be done, then problem will not escalate? That is what most people are doing now. I used to be like this, however my conflict with my mum breaks me down and I needed to talk. But now the need has subsided. To rebuild a reputation of joy and fun?
Maybe bit by bit I should try. People will not trust me now, but I have to hang on. In places that still tolerates me, build positive encounters. Erase from their memory my depression and hopelessness. I still have a job, even though it is a contract, but having job stabilized me. Yes, I will hang on. Thanks for giving me this space to talk.. maybe this should be the only place I share my ugly side.. my depression, my hopelessness.. it can contain because it is so vast.. Not in real world, if I want a normal life…