Dear Tribe family and friends, it's been a tough week for one sponsee and one female friend. my sponsee last night went to the liquor store to get a soda and ended up buying a shot sized bottle of everclear. another friend was dumb enough to hold some Meth for a friend and of course gave into temptation. for those of us who have some time in this program know what our limitations are and what we cannot do. i feel like i am a very fortunate member of NA because with over 21 yrs clean i have never relapsed. the monkey on my shoulder has changed from King Kong to a Little spider monkey that jerks off and laughs at me. i have told sponsees and many addicts that if you can give me a good enough reason to go back out i will go with you and i will pay for whatever drugs we need to get. let me tell you a bit of my Medical history so you understand why Relapse is not in any of my future plans.
in 1995 with six years clean i became a full blown Insulin dependant diabetic. in 1996 i have a 10 1/2 hour operation on my left shoulder. in 2002 i had double hernia surgery. also in 2002 i had right shoulder surgery. In febuary of 2005 i had dual carpal tunnel and left elbow surgery. In Dec. of 2005 I had upper spinal surgery and had discs c2 abd c3 fused together and disc c4 and c5 plated with four screws. In Sept. of 2006 i had pancreatitus and ketoacidosis and lost 41 pounds,also in 2006 I had to have my left elbow operated on again due to a staph infection. in january of 2007 i had a major heart attack and was medi-vacced to Las Vegas and had a triple by pass. In Oct. of 2007 i had my gall bladder removed, I was also hospitalized 3 times with pneumonia. in January of 2008 i had a minor heart attack and had to have stent placed into one of the by passes. in febuary 2009 my Uncle died from Cancer of the throat and other medical problems. also in febuary i had a brother in NA with 25 yrs clean murdered in Phoenix he was shot 3 times in the chest. in April of 2009 i had to put down my wife's German Sheppard that she had for 12 years due to cancer. May 1st my brother in law died from Pancreatic cancer he had 3 yrs clean, . also in MAy of 2009 i broke my right leg in 3 places. my father lived with me for six years on july 26th he had a major stroke and passed away. six days after we returned from laying my Dad to rest in PA my Mom died from a major stroke. she had been blind and paralized for the past 2 years. my parents had been divorced for 42 years. on Sept. 19th i was put into the hospital again with pneumonia. that same night a sponsee of mine with 15 years committed suicide. while i was in the hospital my dog had attack my great nephew and we had to put him down. In January of 2010 i had to have an angioplasty to blow a vein out of my heart to clear out the plaque build up. on july 7th i had to have an umbilical hernia repaired and a month ago i broked two bones in my left foot and tore the ACL in my left knee. turned down the pain medications offered to me by the Dr.'s.
the bottom line is through all that crap i had no thoughts of using. relapsing is not part of a successful journey of recovery. surrounding yourself by your new recovery family, getting your ass to a meeting and calling your sponsor. the bottom line is you cannot come up with any excuse that would be good enough for me to throw away what has been given to me free of charge in the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous. you too can achieve what some of us oldtimers have and that is peace and serenity in your life today.
Even though i am 100% disabled today, i lived my dreans of being a Radio DJ for over 33 years. i was a rock star on the guitar for over 25 years. i play my guitar in church today and have for over 20 years. i used for 22 years of my life. from 1967 to 1989. I have a 24 yr old daughter who on Nov. 6th will have 1 yr clean and my 22 year old son is sitting in Kng County Jail in Seattle awaiting sentencing for trying to smuggle 5 ounces of cocaine back to Alaska. i cannot do anything for him but to continue to be an example of this program.
the only thing you can change is you. hit your knees and ask the God of your understanding for direction and then get out of God's way and let him work in your life today. remember that recovery is a journey not a destination and use the rest stops God provides along the way.
A brother in Recovery 4 life,