It's incredibly frustrating how OCD gets in the way of almost every aspect of your life. My irrational germophobia doesn't let me enjoy being close to someone. Even my familyisn't safe from it. I can hug my parents if I feel like they're dirty, sweaty or contaminated and I just dislike being touched all together. My last relationship suffered because of this – always enduring a hug or a snuggle as if it were some un-holy torture. Now I have an opportunity to go out with a really great girl. I feel like I can be myself around her, she doesn't mind my quirks, and she accepts my personality. Her family is just as accepting and love qualities of me that my own parents hate. But my OCD gets in the way for several reason. First off, she was dumped by her boyfriend – a friend of mine from highschool. Its been a little over a month now, but still – I'm not sure what to do. Do I go out with my friends ex? I'm not a big fan of the friend anymore since before the breakup. He started acting like a real asswipe and the way he handled the breakup just solidified it. I have a bad case of the "what if?" "What if it doesn't work out?" "what if she can't do a long distance relationship while I'm at school?" "what if its all just a rebound thing and she doesn't actually like me?" – which leads me to: "why would she like me? I'm a miserable person. I'm quirky, depressing, awkward and strange. Yea she accepts it now, but give it time, she'll hate you."
And on top of all of this, she is a hugger. A snuggler. How can I do this? I really don't want to lose this opportunity. she's a really great person andI don't want to let her slip away because of my stupid OCD!
Advice?
I know exactly what you mean. But to be honest, your going to have to think a lot more positively. Negative thinking always makes situations seem worse then they are.
I say go for it. What I've learned in life is to just do it.
What is the worse that could happen? That she decides your not for her? Well than at least you tried and gave it a chance. You have to get out there. You have to do it or else your what ifs will end up being 'what if i did go out with her' and 'what if i just missed out on the perfect girl'. I think those what ifs are a lot worse.
Tell her about your problems. Tell her you might have some issues with hugging and see what she says. Maybe she will try and help you work through it. You are being too quick to judge her reaction before you have given her a chance to give it to you.
In a relationship both people have to make some changes for each other. She may have to hug you less than she would like to, and you may have to hug her more than you'd like to. Just trust her a little enough to give her a chance, and you may meet in the middle and be pleasantly surprised.
If you want to be happy, than you will do this for yourself.
You sound like a great guy. 🙂 You deserve it. 🙂
I think I'm going to try. If there is one person in the world I'd be willing to try really hard to deal with OCD stuff for – it would be her. There are times when I'm around her that things that usually bother me just don't for some reason. What I would call an imperfection of something she would say "I like it! Its unique and different!" and after awhile I start to appreciate that stuff. I'm her go-to guy when it comes to problems because I'm a good listener and chances are, I've had a long time of dwelling and obsessing over a similar problem to give an insightful opinion of whats going on. But she listens to me to. Every other girl I've talked to never wants to hear my problems but shes different – she'll ask me how I'm doing and actually mean it!
I will be seeing her with friends on thursday and I believe (hope) I will be seeing her on sunday just me and her going for a hike. I have no clue what I'm going to say and to be honest, I will probably chicken out cause the what ifs will cloud my thoughts – gee even as I'm writing my negative thoughts are all over me like ants on an oreo!
I will try. I will try to try at least. I will hate myself if I let this one go without trying
Did you end up going out with her?
Well I'm working on it. Her ex contacted her the same day I was going to be with her. Seems as if he's trying to make amends and at least be friends with her again. This of course causes her to talk about him, and talk to him. She also was telling me about a guy her friend is trying to set her up with. At first she didn't want to, now she says "There are signs everywhere that tell me that I at least have to talk to this guy"
Meanwhile I'm playing therapist by listening to her troubles and falling into that dreaded friend zone. But shes really confusing me – she'll say things like "I had a really great time hanging with you, you always make me smile" and cutsie flirty stuff like "wuv ya!" and she texts me all the time. And then she'll say things like "thanks for being the best friend ever! You're awesome!" and I'm not sure if its a – "I like you lets date" awesome, or a "your my best friend and nothing more" awesome. I just don't have the confidence to ask her out. I folded – like I always do. I just can't shake the feeling that she's the one. I've only ever felt this way about one other girl, and for the same stupid reasons I lost her forever. I really don't want to lose this girl. But how can I stop obsessing over whether I should ask her out or not?