Hello everybody! I hope you're all doing great. I wish I had more time to go on the website… I'm gonna try to make some efforts, because I don't want you to think that I'm a narcissic and that all I care about is me, 'cause that's not true… I wish that things could get better for all of us.

So, I wanted to ask you; I've always had a hard time talking about some of my obsession to my therapist, even if I know he won't judge me and that he's here to help me. I've always hated talking about myself and my thoughts, and this is one of the reasons why it took me almost five years to take an appointment, because I wanted to get through this alone. I've talked about many obsessions with him; but the fact that I couldn't talk about one or two of them because they scared me bothered me. Because I really need to talk about them (they are the main ones I'm obsessing about) with him, I decided to tell him tomorrow. But, because it's reaaaally hard for me to say it out loud, I think I'm going to write them down… it's easier that way, and for now, it's the best I can do…

My questions are: have you ever had difficulties to talk about some of your obsessions with your therapist? Were you afraid of his reaction? Were you afraid that he would judge you? What did you do in order to be able to talk to him? Do you think it's really important to talk about all of your obsessions? And finally, did you talk about all of them, or not? You do not have to answer to all of my questions, it's just that I'm a bit scared… I've always kept some stuff to myself, even to him, and well, now that I've decided to change the situation (it's been a year now!), I'm quite nervous.

Apart from that, things got a lot better in my life. I have to thank the antidepressant for that; I regret not trying medication earlier (is it correct English?), because it really improved my life in a way that I wouldn't have achieved myself (ahem, pretty sure that my grammar is not correct), I think. I don't feel nervous, most of the time, except in some situations… but other than that… And because the Fluoxétine reduces the anxiety, it's far more easier to ignore the intrusive thoughts. And I realized how many intrusive thoughts, stupid thoughts, false beliefs, "false" feelings I had every day… it's incredible. When I ruminated all day, I wasn't able to make the difference between intrusive thoughts and "normal" thoughts. Now I can, and I stop thinking about it the moment it enters my brain, and it changed everything. I try to "train" my brain everyday, to stop overthinking… CBT/ERP helps me in other domains than OCD. I can say now that I'm not unhappy. But I'm scared of what my therapist is going to tell me tomorrow… which is why I wanted to know how it was for you. I'm scared somehow that he's going to tell me that my fears are true. I know, it's STUPID. But, oh, well…

Thank you, love you all,

Chloé.

2 Comments
  1. DS 8 years ago

    Nothing to be afraid of. I’m sure your therapist would tell you that that is precisely what he or she is there for. Glad to hear you’re making so much progress! Good for you!

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  2. Mommaofthree 8 years ago

    Chloe, it was extremely painful and sad for me to finally open up about having thoughts of harming my loved ones, my babies. The people I care most about in this world. I thought they were going to get taken away, that I was going to be locked up. I did t know it was OCD, and suffered for too long. Get it out! Get it all out sweetheart. You will feel better and trust me they hear so many stories it dosnt phase them. When I told my doc my bad nasty thoughts, she said \” that's it? \” hahaaaa . Good luck , the more you get out the better you will feel and they are only thoughts , not real.

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