So, I'm a new member here and I thought I would give this a try. I was told a LONG time ago that I should write down my feelings and thoughts, which I have but I figure that I would post on here to get some sort of advice, support,…something.
Ok, so I'll start off by saying that for almost 16-17 years I've known that something was wrong with me. I always felt alone even though I had friends but I still felt as though something was missing. Just like now, I feel like I'm all alone, even though I'm in a relationship but I'll talk about that later, and that no one wants, likes, or loves me. I always hear people say that they care about me but never " I love you". Or if they do tell me that they love me, I don't believe them. Sometimes I wish that God would take me away while I'm sleeping so that I won't have to wake up and face the world. I sometimes cry at the fact that I'm still here and that He didn't take me away.
As I sit here now, tearing up, writing this, I feel like,,,well no words can describe exactly how I feel right now. I don't have anyone to talk to about my true feelings. I can't talk to my boyfriend because he always run to his mom and tells her everything that I tell him and she in trns goes and tells the rest of his family and they sit and talk about me and judge me while they sit on their golden thrones looking down on poor pathetic me. Sometimes I wonder why I love and care about him. His family acts as though they are perfect and everyone should bow before them and worship the ground they walk on and that I should be honoured to be in their presence. The other day his sister's bf said that my bf should find another gf because I'm mean to him and don't appreciate him. Really? This is all over a comment I left on his wall on FB (Facebook) about him not being able to cook. We joke about that ALL the time and now they have a problem. His sister's bf beats her and her kids but I'm the bad guy. He's stolen from everyone in their family but I'm evil and hateful. His sister sent her kids away tolive with their dad because of her bf. But I'm all of these evil things. REALLY? Honestly, I feel as though that he (her bf) has no right to judge anyone and neither does she (my bf's sister). His mother is no different but I should stop because its not right for me to talk about them.
I have no idea about what I should do about them. The only thing I could think of is to ignore them and wash my hands with them. Is that expression right? . Anyway, I really don't have time to waste on them, I have a business that I hve to run. I'm going to be opening up my own bakery soon.If any of you guys have any suggestions on what I should do or want to talk about how you get over feeling lonley, depressed or anything. I would love to talk to someone who has similiar feelings and thoughts