So, I'm a new member here and I thought I would give this a try. I was told a LONG time ago that I should write down my feelings and thoughts, which I have but I figure that I would post on here to get some sort of advice, support,…something.

Ok, so I'll start off by saying that for almost 16-17 years I've known that something was wrong with me. I always felt alone even though I had friends but I still felt as though something was missing. Just like now, I feel like I'm all alone, even though I'm in a relationship but I'll talk about that later, and that no one wants, likes, or loves me. I always hear people say that they care about me but never " I love you". Or if they do tell me that they love me, I don't believe them. Sometimes I wish that God would take me away while I'm sleeping so that I won't have to wake up and face the world. I sometimes cry at the fact that I'm still here and that He didn't take me away.

As I sit here now, tearing up, writing this, I feel like,,,well no words can describe exactly how I feel right now. I don't have anyone to talk to about my true feelings. I can't talk to my boyfriend because he always run to his mom and tells her everything that I tell him and she in trns goes and tells the rest of his family and they sit and talk about me and judge me while they sit on their golden thrones looking down on poor pathetic me. Sometimes I wonder why I love and care about him. His family acts as though they are perfect and everyone should bow before them and worship the ground they walk on and that I should be honoured to be in their presence. The other day his sister's bf said that my bf should find another gf because I'm mean to him and don't appreciate him. Really? This is all over a comment I left on his wall on FB (Facebook) about him not being able to cook. We joke about that ALL the time and now they have a problem. His sister's bf beats her and her kids but I'm the bad guy. He's stolen from everyone in their family but I'm evil and hateful. His sister sent her kids away tolive with their dad because of her bf. But I'm all of these evil things. REALLY? Honestly, I feel as though that he (her bf) has no right to judge anyone and neither does she (my bf's sister). His mother is no different but I should stop because its not right for me to talk about them.

I have no idea about what I should do about them. The only thing I could think of is to ignore them and wash my hands with them. Is that expression right? . Anyway, I really don't have time to waste on them, I have a business that I hve to run. I'm going to be opening up my own bakery soon.If any of you guys have any suggestions on what I should do or want to talk about how you get over feeling lonley, depressed or anything. I would love to talk to someone who has similiar feelings and thoughts

4 Comments
  1. Andie372 8 years ago

    Most of us here have similar thoughts and feelings, you are not alone. Because we feel things so deeply, we can spot fakeness and hypocrisy 10miles away. We want deep, meaningful relationships that mean something. A lot of people out there are not capable of this, which leaves us frustrated. For the depression part, I see a psychiatrist regularly and take meds. I have also done years of talk therapy. I don't always go, but I belong to a support group. I do still feel lonely a lot, but it's because I don't get out much

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  2. naz 8 years ago

     🙁 have you told your bf not to tell whatever you tell him to his mom? what did he say? share if you feel like it, and we might be able to talk about it.. 🙂

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  3. Ajaradom 8 years ago

     Hi inly — welcome to depression tribe (DT) — there are some wonderful people here that will help you, and I'm sure you will help many people!  Congratulations on opening/owning your own business — what an awesome accomplishment!  I wish you all the best!  Take care of yourself — you can't take responsibility for other peoples behavior, choices or mistakes — it's up to you to decide who is toxic to you and leave those people out of your life because they are not good for you!  Your friend in the journey, Lori (aka Ajaradom)

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  4. lnlysag22 8 years ago

     Thanks you guys! I have told him a number of times not to tell his mom anything that we talk about and I told him that I didn't want to hear what she or any of his other family members had to say. He would do this for while and then all of a sudden he starts telling them everything again. He says " he forget" but sometimes I don;t believe him. I haven't spoken to any of his family members except for his older brother. He always defend me against them which I really appreciate.

    My meds have been changed twice and the last one I took seem to be helping. I was taking it for awhile but then my insurance collaspsed and unfortunately I'mnot able to pay out of pocket right now for a doctor and my meds. I've been looking into different gov't programs but so far I don't qualify. You either have to have kids or be completely disabled in order to get any benefits. So right now, being on DT is my only med.doctor. At least on here I have someone to talk to and give my adviceon how to deal with things. 

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