It's 2:50am here in my little place in Maine, and I'm unable to sleep. I'm not sure if it's the dog and cat taking the room, or if it's too hot, or if I just can't do it. I'm feeling extremely lonely tonight, and it's one of the first nights in a long time I'm feeling that pain that comes from believing the night will never end. I'm really not sure why I feel this way tonight, but it lead me to come back on here and at least write about it.

I was suspended from my college courses because of bad grades so I've been doing nothing in the regard of educating myself. I have no idea how I'll manage to break through and succeed; I am so unable to care about studying. I've tried everything and I'm just failing miserably. It's as if I have a wall in my brain and it's just not letting me move. I sat down with a book in the library three days in a row for quite some time lying about being in classes because I was ashamed to tell my parents. I tried so desperately to learn how cells work and what their make up is. I spent hours looking, quizzing myself, but it's not working. How can I ever get anywhere if I can't do the simplest school work? I could do so much but I cannot break out of this…well, whatever is holding me back. I'm desperately trying. I feel like I'm just sitting still in life with nothing, and everyone is just moving ahead. I should be the one moving because I have so much inside of me. Just isn't working. No more music, no more school, now I just sit at home all day.

Well, I really don't have much more to say. I'll browse around here. I've not exactly been well as of late. I've been on an incredible auto-pilot mode, along with being sick a lot. I hope all is well with everyone.